March 27, 2024

A Very Personal Psalm

In the quiet of aloneness, my heart remembers and the fear brings a fresh outpouring of tears. The fear is not irrational; it is real and it is based on facts. I am afraid of the future. I am too aware of what it might hold. I know. I understand. I have walked this way before. My heart cries out its desire to not walk it again. O God! Loving, heavenly Father! I know You remember even better than I do the sorrow I once bore – the incredible weight of loss and terror. I cannot walk this way again! Like David, I walk in my aloneness with the company of my tears. The words of a hymn I have sung many times before compel me to listen. I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all. I listen again – All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give; I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live. My heart holds tightly to its desire. Father, must I loosen my grip? The fear is too great! The questions assault my thinking. What if the past is replayed in the present? What if its horror is inflicted on still others? How will we all cope? What will happen to our faith? God’s Spirit reminds me that letting go is not abandonment of care or love. Letting go is simply letting God be God in an unknown future and walking, trusting, that He will never leave us and He will never change. To let God hold my trembling heart is to know that from ashes He can still bring beauty – even when my heart cries out against the ashes. Father, can’t I know what lies ahead? Waiting can distort faith and perspective. Waiting accentuates the negative. His Spirit speaks again. Trust does not ask for answers. Trust simply asks for Me. I will walk where you walk. I will hold you tightly in My arms, whatever the future holds, whatever the waiting demands. I will warm you with My love and embrace your fears in My peace. My heart loosens its grip. O God! I give myself to You! I know my struggle is not over for the waiting is still before me and I do not know the place it will take me to. But wherever it is, I know You will be there – for me and for others. And I know that as I wait, in Your loving patience you will encourage me, and you will wipe away my tears. And if my fears taunt or shout, You will quiet them with the gentle reminders of Your presence. From David’s heart, the words echo, “I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, ‘You are my God!’ My future is in your hands.” – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 18:1-6, 16-19, 30-36)

March 23, 2024

Delight in God’s Word

Isaiah 66:2 “Has not My hand made all these things, and so they came into being? declares the LORD. These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at My word.” I have been truly enjoying and delighting in God’s Word these past months. It’s almost as if the Lord has taken me from a vast dry desert wasteland into a lush tropical oasis where I can picture myself dangling my feet into a refreshing bubbling stream. Over the past year, my Lord has showered me with words of comfort, He is instilling in me a supernatural healing balm that has woven into my soul hope, perspective and purpose that I had never had before, even before my son passed away. I have been soaking God’s truth into the broken and empty places of my heart, saturating myself daily with the Living Water that has finally brought me to a place of worship and praise. It’s taken awhile to get here, but ultimately it was the emptiness and the hole in my soul that it took to bring me to my knees, to a place of utter submission and total surrender to my Lord. I have come to understand that God is looking for a heart to dwell in, a heart that is tender and broken, not one concerned with the externalities of religion. God is looking to dwell in the heart of a person who loves and thrives on His Word, one who has been broken beyond repair. He has revealed His love for me in my brokenness in a way far greater than I could have ever asked or imagined. Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I have found myself totally dependent upon my Lord for my daily survival, from one moment to the next; with every breath that I take, I am living and breathing in His Word. My daily prayer has been, “What now Lord; what would You have me do next?” I want so desperately to understand His purpose in all that has occurred; my spirit within me is crying for relief from the overwhelming pain and sorrow I have experienced from losing my child. I have been humbled to the core and crushed by the weight of my brokenness and pain. Yet it has been in these deep dark valleys that I have found my true peace, I have found strength and the ability to rise up out of the pit and begin my journey to the mountaintop once more. Ephesians 4:13-14 tells us that He has been equipping us so that we will “reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching.” Oneness and harmony in the body of Christ is possible when and if we each individually become one with our God. We were never meant to be alone on this planet. Our God wants every single believer to manifest the qualities of His Son who Himself is the standard for our spiritual maturity and perfection. When I am grounded in God’s Word and the knowledge of who He really is, I will have discernment when the waves come crashing down and when my world falls apart. There is no one on this earth who can comprehend the depths of my journey except for my Lord and I must come to a place where I know beyond a shadow of doubt who God really is so that I can attain the fullness of Christ, so I will be able to survive the tornados that blow into my world and threaten to bring me to my knees. After all, He created everything that we are encountering. He brings the winds and rains, He causes the sun to rise and to set, and “He made the storm be still and the waves of the sea were hushed.” (Psalm 107:29) His hands have made all things, and everything that has come into being has been declared by Him and I believe that ultimately He will use it all to His glory, forever and ever. Amen. – Melody

March 13, 2024

A Letter to My Daughter

My dearest daughter, I have never written to you before and I realize that only if Jesus deems it wise, will He reveal to you the contents of this letter. I probably need to write it more than you need to read it. The truths I have learned, you learned long ago. The perspective on earth is so distorted. It is focused on a time and on places, belongings, events, possessions, and achievements that are sooo temporary. The brevity of life here as I work, play, relate, and become, is recognized more vividly the older I get. I know the expression, “when I lost you,” probably sounds strange to you because the home you have known all these years creates such a sense of belonging for you, and there would be no thought or longing on your part to find a home anywhere other than where you are. In my temporal world though, your presence was no longer here, and it was as if that presence I had so much longed for, had slipped from my hands and left my arms empty of the infant I literally ached to caress and nurture. My heart never “lost” you though, and still, these many years later, there is a tender place that belongs to only you. Today, had you stayed here, you would already be a mom yourself, and you would be immersed in the busyness of your home, your community, and prayerfully, your church. All good things, but they cannot compare to the good you have embraced within the reality of something I can still only hope for, although I recognize the certainty of that hope. And with whatever “good” this place that has been so contaminated by sin can still offer, you would have also known tears of sorrow and the heartache of disappointment. You may have also known the complexities of spiritual and emotional struggles, the failures of relationships, the inadequacies of personal striving, the void left by pursuit and attainment. And yet, you have known none of these. Instead you know an aliveness and a completion, a satisfaction and a saturation, that simply isn’t even possible within the earthly realm. I long for a sense of the reality of God’s presence and the joy and exuberance of worship and communion with Him and with His Son, that far exceeds human possibility within a still mortal body. All this belongs to you, and so much more! I would never call you back, and yet, because my heart never “lost” you, you give to me over and over again. As I imagine the reunions that must occur in Heaven and the excitement of welcoming others who come, my heart becomes eager to know the same reality that you know. But as I stay in the place God has for me now, that tender place in my heart is tender too towards the hurts and disappointments of others. My heart has been enlarged and my capacity to give has been stretched by grace. I am far from perfect, but some day I will share in the perfection you already have shared in. And as I wait, I pray that the heavenly Father you have known so intimately all these years, will be more and more at home in my heart, that I would be no stranger to His presence when I am blessed to share it with you, my daughter. Much love, Mom 2 Corinthians 5:1-8

March 6, 2024

We Are Conquerors

Romans 8:37 “In all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” The Bible tells us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. In whatever we think will take His love away, He tells us nothing can do that. He lets us know that in all things we will be more than conquerors through Him because He loves us. So what does that all mean: ALL – the whole quantity or extent of a group or thing MORE -- a greater or additional amount of something CONQUEROR – one who successfully overcomes a problem or weakness (gains or wins) No matter what we face, death of a child, divorce, mental illness, wayward child or any trials Satan throws at us, we will be more than a conqueror. So what does being more than a conqueror look like? We can walk through our trials being angry and bitter. We can take what has happened to us and bottle it up and let it fester. Or, we can take what has happened and turn it into something we never thought possible. When I lost my daughter Katie, I thought my life was over. Nothing good could ever come out of such a loss. Oh, how wrong I was! The Lord has taken a wasteland of grief and turned it into a land of milk and honey. I challenge you to take this loss and find a way to use it to help others. Reach out to someone who is struggling. Walk beside them. That is the first step to let Satan know that the Lord and you will win this battle for your soul. We are the champions, my friend, with Him by our side. – Michele

February 28, 2024

Sharing God’s Sunshine

Sitting at my dining room table, I was enjoying my cup of coffee, and the young woman across from me was beginning to relax, although she still seemed somewhat hesitant when I asked her about her miscarriage. Getting up to go into the kitchen, I was feeling God’s tug on my heart to be a little more open myself. I looked over my shoulder at her and quietly asked, “Did you know I lost a baby at full term?” Her look of surprise allowed her to ask me a few questions and as I shared some of the struggle and the journey that had been mine, she began to unleash all the thoughts and emotions that she had been carefully guarding. As I listened, I realized she had been in an emotional and spiritual struggle with no one to really talk with and no one even who really gave recognition to the loss she had been through. Knowing I was empathetic with her struggle and wanting too some spiritual direction, she opened her heart as I silently thanked God that I had responded to His gentle, but insistent, tug. Responding to the need of another when we can relate deeply because of our own hurts and disappointments can be difficult. The loss of a loved one, the failure of a marriage, the broken promises of a friend, personal limitations, the facts and consequences of living with alcoholism, abuse, or ridicule, or the tragedies and horrors of nature or man out of control – all of these are relived in their emptiness and searing pain when we feel the tears and the heartache of someone who in so many ways is “just like me.” The darkness of her soul wants to darken mine. It is then we need to remember the comfort God has given us. Remember His love and His gentleness. Remember the strength of His embrace, as we cried our own tears of confusion and sorrow. Remember His guidance and His sufficiency, and remember the sunshine He gave that in time dispelled the darkness. And in remembering, hold tightly to the hand and the heart of the one whose darkness is still surrounding her, and bring her to God’s arms of love and help her find the radiance of His sunshine. You will both be comforted. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. – Bev (Related Bible reading: 2 Corinthians 1:3-7)

February 21, 2024

God, Our Protector

Romans 8:27 “And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.” One day when Elisha was very young, I encountered a situation where I had to advocate on his behalf. Elisha was three years old when I came to pick him up from daycare and my heart broke when I saw him sitting in a high chair with his shoe laces tied to each side of the chair watching television while the other children were sitting quietly in front of him on the floor. When I asked the daycare provider why Elisha had been tied to the chair, she quickly responded that she didn’t want him touching her television. You see she had a large TV with a screen that was very low and that the kids could reach and she had trained the other toddlers not to touch it, however, because my little boy did not understand, she felt the need to separate him and ostracize him. We left her daycare that day, but over the years, I have learned to protect my child when we have had confrontations in restaurants, on planes, in bathrooms, at the mall, at special events, at theme parks, and in pubic by mean and hateful people who don’t like the noises that came out of my non-verbal child. We have left when we have been asked not to come back to barber shops, water parks, after school programs and even church and Sunday School. Every time it happened, it always surprised me, but there was a deep sadness that would set in and make me feel incredibly lonely and isolated, unwanted, and unloved. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” Our God is the source of every true act of comfort. He comes to us in the middle of our sufferings and troubles and He strengthens us and gives us courage and boldness to go on and then, we in turn can come alongside someone else who is going through a difficult time and show them the comfort we have received from our God. As a result of my son’s disability and my unique relationship with him, the inordinate amount of advocacy that was required on my part to defend him in a hostile world, I developed a intimate bond with my child that was unlike the bond I had with my typical developing children. Of course, there is a special relationship with my other boys, but as they grew older and more self-sufficient, their need for protection from me and my husband diminished and eventually, they must come to develop a dependency upon Christ as their Heavenly Father and there is a letting go that occurs as they leave our home and go out into the world on their own. This letting go never occurred with Elisha because he needed me to step in and make sure he was not mistreated and that he was protected from harm. In the same way, this is how our Father in Heaven intercedes on our behalf. He knows us far better than we know ourselves. The Holy Spirit is right there coming alongside of us, helping us, protecting us, teaching us and praying for us. No words are necessary because the Father understands and agrees with what the Spirit thinks and because He knows exactly what we need. In His providence, God orchestrates every event in life, even suffering, to accomplish both our temporal and eternal benefit, and He uses all of it to His glory and to our benefit. As the good shepherd, Jesus, our Savior, sees the heart of a hurting people, He detects our needs and does what is best for each one of us without ever being told and in accordance to His good will. – Melody

February 15, 2024

The Fingerprints of God

A year after the fact, I was writing about the death of our newborn and reflecting on some of the feelings I was still having a hard time with. Reminders of our loss came all too often as we struggled to “try again.” Sounds and sights of babies or small children brought tears, but strangely, so could the sight of a perfectly clean house. Where was the clutter of toys, or the impasse of baby paraphernalia? Where were the fingerprints? As I wrote, my newborn would have been a toddler, fingers sticky from creme-filled cookies, or from finger painting in the pudding on her highchair tray. I wanted fingerprints! Messy, even dirty fingerprints, from grubby, small-fisted hands, can shout frustration to a young mom, or they can remind her of the priceless gift of life, or lives, that God has given her. Being a grandma now and having washed many fingerprints from hoped-for clean walls, I look with joy at the fingerprints my own grandson can imprint across my sliding glass doors — or, the TV screen, the microwave door, or even the walls that adults have learned not to touch immediately after eating. Fingerprints convey a message. Someone has been here! The Psalms pulsate with the presence of God, and vividly show His involvement in our lives. No psalm though presents more clearly His intimate involvement than Psalm 139. As we read the words of the psalmist, the truth that “Someone has been here!” resounds from one verse to the next. That “Someone” is God. It is God who knows me from the inside out. It is God’s presence that surrounds me. God formed me physically in my mother’s womb. He patterned and unleashed the DNA code that would determine who I see in the mirror each morning! And before I ever had my first breath, God was already sovereignly watching over every footstep I would ever take. “Dusting for fingerprints” after a home break-in is a messy process, but “dusting our lives” for God’s fingerprints is both needful and intensely rewarding. His fingerprints are there – if we look for them. Psalm 63:6-8 reminds us that looking back on our lives, remembering, and meditating, brings a greater consciousness of God. As I reflect on my own life, I know that in the middle of the hard places, God can seem distant and detached, and when routines are undisturbed, there can be a smug pride in my own success. Looking back though with the advantage of hindsight, I am able to see God’s intricate involvement and the purposes He was drawing me to. I see His fingerprints, and my heart echoes the words of the songwriter, Gary Paxton, “He was there all the time.” We want to recognize God’s fingerprints, and if we “dust our lives,” we will find them. But, we don’t want to find the evidence, declare that God truly has been here, and “close the case.” In finding the evidence, we want to go, not to a court, but to a place of praise. The psalmist, David, found that place of praise many times. Do what David did. Express your thanks to God that you are covered with His indelible and incredible fingerprints! – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 139:1-18; Psalm 63:6-8)