Got a Wish? What do you want?

My childhood home was broken by unfaithfulness, muted promises, abuse, and separation. I grew up feeling very responsible for all the wrong that surrounded me. I was a bad girl, unworthy of love, especially undeserving of God’s love, undeserving of ever being a wife or a mom. The heavy weight of guilt I carried distorted life and my own potential. I learned how to present a person who was acceptable, but my inner person was shredded with guilt and shame, and then, my daughter died. Some of you can relate to my story, and many of you can share your own story of tragedy, loss, disappointment, failure, broken relationships – and then ..... With my own dysfunctional and abusive background, and then, my daughter died, there are two things I always wanted. And your own story may have a strong desire for those things as well. One, I had always wanted A REAL GOD FOR REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL NEEDS.......... As a child, teenager, and young adult, the God I knew about was distant and punitive. Christianity was neatly packaged with its rules, traditions, and well rehearsed beliefs that conformed outward behaviors, but NOTHING TOUCHED my hurting, broken heart. I wanted the closeness of a personal God, whose love was warm and vibrant, who accepted me even with my questions, my emptiness, my pain, and my failures. I wanted a God who understood my own reality, and I wanted a reality of God I could go to over, and over, and over, and know His arms were opened wide to embrace me. The second gift I had always wanted was – HOPE. Hope in my brokenness. Eternal hope for my child. Hope to be able to walk in my brokenness. Hope that my brokenness could have a healing and even, a purpose. I see the God I wanted in the Son He sent to walk a journey on earth before He sacrificially expressed His love for me on the cross making all that I longed for, possible. But as He grew from the Baby in the manger to the wholly man who was still wholly God, He shared Himself with the people who were walking, and living, in the towns He walked and lived in, and many of whom were also experiencing the hardships of our world. Yes, He taught them truth, and He taught them about who He was, and why He was among them. He taught them about sin issues that draw us away from God. But some too were just hungry after listening for awhile, and Jesus responded by feeding thousands at one time. The widow was experiencing loss upon loss. Her husband had already been buried, and now her son, her only son, was being carried to his burial place. But Jesus saw her, and His heart overflowed with compassion. Jesus spoke to the young man, and the young man sat up and began talking, and went back to his mother. Mary Magdalene was taunted, shamed, confused, and literally, possessed by demons. But Jesus cared, and He had a plan and a purpose for her, and freed her from her demons. Can we relate with our own losses, our own hunger, limited finances, or job challenges, or our own insecurities or emotional needs? Jesus cares!! And just like the father of the prodigal son, Jesus will run to us with open arms when we choose to run to Him! The prophet Isaiah encouraged God’s chosen people with these same truths. Why do you complain, .... Why do you say, .... “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God?” He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Isaiah 40:25-31)

Love Never Leaves

July 2 is the last day I was able to hold my daughter. That was twenty-nine years ago. Not a single day has gone by without her living in my heart. The pain of this loss has never left me; it has just changed its shape. Over the years my tears have changed into being grateful and I have found peace in my soul. I feel so blessed, not because of my loss but because I was chosen to be her mom. Her life, even though it was only seventeen years, has changed me forever. Love has no expiration date and our bond will never be broken. The Lord carried me through days of darkness. Days I never thought I could survive. He gave me strength when I had none and hope when my heart was broken. I have learned that blessings can exist alongside grief. One does not erase another. I thank the Lord everyday for the moments I had with her. I hold onto every memory and I hold on to the promise that we will be reunited. Twenty nine years later I still miss her, but I am filled with gratitude. Her life continues to shine in my life. I will always be her mom and she will always be one of my biggest blessings in my life. Thank you, Lord, for making me Katie’s mom. Even though I only had her seventeen years, it was worth every minute. – Michele

Perfect Peace

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” As a child, I did not come from a home where there was peace and as a result, I developed coping skills that I brought with me into my adult life. There was a self-preservation that began to occur at a very early age, and as I grew, I became self-sufficient and very responsible, and in time I became an over achiever who relied on my own accomplishments to obtain personal satisfaction and peace. I met with a sweet friend as a result of a project I was doing for a Bible study in the book of Ephesians, and 6:15 says, “and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” My mission was to find someone whose life was peace-filled, a person I admired who effectively applied the peace of God in her life. As I interviewed my friend, I began to realize I have never really experienced long lasting sustaining peace through every single circumstance and in the midst of difficult raging storms like she did, but that my peace had been something I had attempted to manufacture by creating an environment for myself that I thought was safe and secure. Phil. 4:6 -7, ”Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Peace is attainable, but the peace that only comes from God is an inner tranquility and calmness of the soul. I can have peace in my soul even with so much conflict going on around me; all I have to do is trust in Jesus. Here lies the problem, I have trust issues; I have been deeply wounded by people, and I don’t trust people, and my trust issues permeate into my relationship with the Lord. What I am learning is that I cannot experience the peace OF God without experiencing peace WITH God. It is not until I have completely submitted myself, totally, and radically abandoned myself to the Lordship of Jesus that I can have peace with God. As long as I am relying on my own self-sufficiency and fall back on my own self-preservation, I will continue to struggle with obtaining true peace in my life. Col. 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” I find it interesting that this scripture says to be thankful. One thing the Lord has always called me to do in the midst of any fiery trial is to offer up praise and thanksgiving to Him. 1 Thess. 5:18 says, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” What I have come to understand is that trust fuels thanksgiving and thanksgiving activates peace. The Bible doesn’t say that we have to be thankful for what is occurring, but it does say to give thanks in all circumstances. The disciples are a perfect example of men who experienced the peace of God because they made a commitment to Him and their peace with God enabled them to sing while they were in prison, to rejoice when they suffered persecution, and the peace of God carried them through to the very end. That is the kind of peace that I want to have too. -- Melody

God is With Me Everywhere

I had heard enough about an MRI exam to be somewhat apprehensive when my doctor decided it would be a good diagnostic tool to give reason to the aches and pains I was having. The call from the scheduler definitely quieted some of that apprehension, not because she gave me an oh-don’t-worry-about-it, but because she spelled out some of the things patients do get apprehensive about, and just knowing what to expect helped to relieve some of the qualms of the unknown. Still, the morning of my exam had me praying from home to the MRI location. And the forty-five minute wait didn’t help either. And then, my name was called by a cheerful assistant. A few minutes in the dressing room preceded my being introduced to the MRI machine. It dominated the small room I was in, being much larger than I had expected, but that also meant the tunnel I was about to enter, had a far greater diameter than I had expected, and entering in a flat-on-my-back position, much like the position I was cozy in for an afternoon nap, I also entered feet first, so my head was the last part of my body being absorbed by what I then realized was a well lit enclosure. I had been told to be still, but I was also given a squeeze ball, in case for some reason, I needed to exit prematurely of the expected twenty minute exam. I tried napping, and that helped to keep me still, but my thinking needed a place to focus because the nap wasn’t coming. I was praying again, just for a quietness to saturate my spirit. And then suddenly, the hymns of my childhood and the promises from the Gaither songs I had always loved, began to rehearse themselves in my thinking. I lay there, consumed with the goodness of my God, the God who promises His presence and His peace, even in an MRI tunnel. I was totally relaxed, and a buzzer interrupted one of the hymns to tell me my time was over. And it seemed, it all happened so quickly. The next morning, my close friend sent me an online video of a song that was only vaguely familiar, but the words captured my time with God the previous day. I love You, Lord. Oh, Your mercy never fails me and all my days, I’ve been held in Your hands. ... You have been faithful ... You have been so, so good ... You have led me ... You were close like no other ... You are my provider and You lead me and guide me by Your Spirit and Your word. I have never walked alone. I knew my God had stayed with me in the tunnel and He had made His presence known, but I knew too, I have been in tunnels that were much, much darker, and much more threatening. I knew also that a few other friends were struggling in the reality of life – realities that were raw with grief, both already weighing them down with its pain, emptiness, and questioning doubt, and grief that was gnawing because it was still imminent, but it was dark with its imminence. Relationships were being stretched and responsibilities were outweighing available resources. In my MRI tunnel, I just wanted the reminder that my God never leaves and He always, always provides. Even in the middle of doubt and apprehension.. Even in the turmoil that far, far exceeds the MRI. So, I forwarded the song that had encouraged and reminded me yet again, and I prayed that my friends would hear not only a song of warmth, but a song of promises. My God will never, never leave me. And He will always, always, make my impossible reality, possible. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 139:1- 12; Psalm 23:1-6; Hebrews 13:5,6)

God's Bright Light

Matthew 5:14, 16 “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden… In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” It was with great sadness that I learned of the passing of Daisy Catchings-Shader, the founder of our cherished Umbrella Ministries, a support group for women all over the country who have suffered the loss of a child. This is a fellowship no one wants to belong to, but when I came to my first meeting after the loss of my son, Elisha, on June 19, 2015, I came to realize I was not the only mom who was suffering. I found a safe place that offered me the hope of Heaven and I met hundreds of women just like me who were also on their own grief journey and I knew that I didn’t have to walk alone. Oh, what an incredible legacy Daisy left. Every single time I talked to her, she would always encourage me to keep writing, to keep journaling, to keep reading my Bible, and to continue to look to Jesus. Matthew 10:42 says, “And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward." The Bible tells us that we are to be the light of the world, that city on hill, a shining beacon for all to see, that cold cup of water to the thirsty, and to come alongside those that are weary and heavy laden. That is exactly what Daisy did for over 30 years as she touched so many lives with healing words, unconditional love, and compassion for hurting and grieving women. Who would have thought that even though she suffered the devastating loss of her son Danny, that God could meet her where she was in that dark place, heal her broken heart, and then turn her tragedy into something so beautiful and amazing, a refuge of hope and strength for all to see. Isaiah 61:3 says that “those who grieve are to be given a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” What the Lord calls us to do after such a terrible loss does not come naturally. Our instinct is to curl up and pull the covers over our head and ask God to stop the world so we can get off. But I’ll never forget the day I hung up my cross that I wore around my neck that held the ashes of my precious Elisha, the first day that I was able to smile, laugh, and find joy again in my life and especially the day that I was able to enter into worship and truly praise my Lord and Savior at church. Daisy was a beautiful and shining example of someone who had an overflowing heart full of joy and she was forever praising our Lord in her speech and her countenance. When I saw her at conferences and support groups, there was a flame of excitement in anticipation of what the Lord was about to accomplish, and it was contagious. We were incredibly blessed by this remarkable and wonderful lady, and she will be greatly missed. So shines a bright light in a dark and weary world.

-- Melody

Remembering Daisy....... and her heart and leadership with Umbrella Ministries

James1:22 “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” The word “daisy” comes from an Old English term meaning “day’s eye.” It earned that name because its petals open in the morning and close at dusk. The flower has long symbolized purity, innocence, and simplicity. To each of us, there is only one Daisy. Daisy was the perfect name for her. Her presence entered my life in 1997, during one of the darkest seasons I have ever known. In the shattering days and weeks after Katie’s death, my pain felt like it would never end. I wasn’t sure how I could go on living with a broken heart. As I struggled to find my footing, one evening this sweet woman called me. It was a simple phone call, yet it became the beginning of something that would slowly change everything. Daisy listened to me. She cared. She pointed me toward the same faith that had been such a comfort to her. It wasn’t an instant fix, and it didn’t erase the sorrow. Instead, she offered small words of hope and encouragement – something I could hold on to when each day felt overwhelming. Little by little, those moments of kindness helped me see beyond my grief. Daisy was a gift to me at just the right time. When everything had been stripped away, she reminded me that God still sees, still provides, and still sends people to walk beside us in our darkest moments. Daisy didn’t fix my grief. She simply showed up and helped me take a step forward. Looking back, that phone call marked the beginning of my journey from despair toward hope. As the years passed, I came to realize that my experience was not unique. She has touched so many lives, often arriving just when she was needed most. Each of us has our own story of how she encouraged us. Her influence on my life has taken me to places I never could have imagined. Who would have thought that a grocery store checker would one day find herself speaking to other women about grief? I still remember when Daisy asked me to write a devotional. I had to ask her, “What is a devotional?” What began with one encouraging phone call continued to open doors I never expected. The one thing I never could have imagined from that first conversation was traveling to Africa and presenting Umbrella Ministries to two villages. That happened because Daisy believed in me and encouraged me to keep moving forward. The same steady faith that helped carry me through loss is reflected in the way Daisy lives her own life. Proverbs 31 describes Daisy well. “The Lord is in the midst of her, and she will not be moved. She trusts that God will help her when morning dawns. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instruction with kindness. There are many capable women in the world, but you surpass them all.” And that is our Daisy. Our loving Daisy went home to be with the Lord. She brought so much joy into our lives, and we will cherish her sweet spirit forever. – Michele

HE Understands

I spent so many years closing off my emotions, especially the ones we aren’t sure how to cope with, and then, God’s grace opened my heart to understand Him so much more fully, and His grace began to saturate so much that had conflicted those emotions, and then He began to let me put my heart on paper in ways I never had before, having a desire to be vulnerably open on a personal level and biblically accurate in how I faced that openness, or helped others to face their own openness. But, what also came were my tears. For the most part, they had stopped with the vow I made as a child. In the gift of tears God gave to me, I felt my own emotions more strongly as well as the emotions of others as they walked their own journeys of hurt and pain, sorrow and loss, doubt and confusion. My tears for others can come openly and sometimes, unexpectedly. My tears for those things that touch me still in very personal ways, my tears come privately, or in the privacy of conversation with a trusted friend. The Isaacs is a family group that began singing in the eighties with a style similar to the Gaithers, and they have shared the Gaither stage many times. I don’t always listen intently when I am driving to what the radio station is playing, but when the Isaacs started singing, He Understands My Tears, I was fully absorbed and focused. I wrote this originally, at a time when many of us were crying our very private tears, because we were still in the middle of a pandemic, a growing pandemic, set against racial and political upheaval, economic uncertainty, and a depth of questions that didn’t seem to have clear answers. And for whatever is going on in the world around us – family issues still arise, grief grabs us and holds us, the bills aren’t getting paid, life transitions from one chapter to another, health needs are demanding attention, and ....... shall I go on??? And our tears come. And I am no different. And my own emotions, like many of you as well, have become very vivid and assaulting. But I listened to the Isaacs sing. He understands my tears ... He feels the hurt that no one can see down inside. And when the words get in the way I know He still hears, for He understands my tears. You may not believe that I'm broken for all you can see is my smile. Oh, but He hears the heart that's unspoken and He gives me strength through each trial. “He.” My God, my Jesus, His abiding-within-me Holy Spirit. “He.” He listens, He understands, He feels, He responds. And again, I was listening, but not driving. This time I was safely at home and I heard the promises of God’s faithfulness sung by I Am They. I will sing through fire and thunder, cause You are on my side, I trust You with my life. I know my story, it isn't over. Even against all odds, for You are a faithful God, that's who You are. You are a faithful God. I am convinced that Your promises will hold together and I will dwell in the hope of Your love forever. They are the words too of the psalmist and of Christ Himself. This I declare about the Lord:He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. (Psalm 91:2) And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. (Matthew 6:30) Let our tears bring us to our God. He is faithful and He listens, He understands, He feels, and He responds. O Father, thank You. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 23:1-6)