Shattered Dreams

A single word. An accident. An unexpected turn of events. A failure. A loss of relationship. Any one of these can change the rest of our lives. The dreams and hopes and expectations that give meaning to our lives are suddenly and abruptly shattered, and fear and emptiness take their place. Emotional turmoil wrecks havoc with any sense of perspective or direction. God seems strangely and distantly silent. The cocoon of my loss paralyzes, and I struggle simply to move forward one day at a time. It happens to all of us – in different ways and at different times – but, it happens. How do we cope with those things that seem to alter the very heart of what we wanted? We will grieve, and even as Job did not sin when he gave stark expression to his grief, neither do we. The process of grieving is healthy, but it is not an end in itself. When dreams splinter or die, we move forward only through acceptance. Acceptance, however, is not simply resigning ourselves to the fact of our loss. Biblical acceptance has a much more empowering effect on our lives, because Biblical acceptance is directed toward God. Acceptance apart from God is pure self-effort, and often futile. Biblical acceptance acknowledges God’s presence and control in the life of the believer. God’s purposes, God’s love, God’s enablement, and God’s grace are all actively at work in my life. As much as I recognize the needs that lost hopes create, God recognizes those needs as well, and promises me a walkable path through them. Let me close with some words I’ve written before. Acceptance is not usually easy, but it is necessary. Your emotions, your feelings, your perspective, and your thinking are all very real. They are not negated by acceptance, but they will be shaped and perhaps redefined by acceptance. Acceptance puts your hand in God’s hand, and with quiet confidence in His loving father-heart, says, “I know You were there. I know You are, and will be here. I want to walk on Your walkable path.” (Related Bible reading: Psalm 13:1-6; Proverbs 3:5,6)

– Bev

You are Mine

Philippians 3:12 “Not that I have already obtained all this, or I am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me His own.” These past couple weeks, I have taken a break from my laptop and have sat before the Lord with a pen in my hand and have started journaling again. I used to write in a journal every morning, but when I began to write the devotionals, I switched to a computer because it is faster and I could get my thoughts on paper much quicker than I was able to the conventional way. The reason why I took the break is that I have been struggling with my identity in Christ; I felt like I had lost my purpose and my meaning. As a result, I have a head knowledge with all this wisdom that the Lord has given me, but it is not reaching my heart. I wasn’t feeling His love for me; I was not feeling intimate with Him. Even though I knew His truths, they were not resonating with me and I was unable to apply His truths to my life and my situation. I had become anxious and weary and even though I knew it was true that God loved me and cared about me, there was a lack of belief that it was really so; I had doubts that I really belonged to Him, that Christ Jesus had made me His own and that His promises were really mine. I was filled with anxiety and fear and I knew that was not from Him, so He called me to be still before Him and abide in Him. He gave me scriptures that said to dwell in Him, and become the shadow of the Most High. I thought about what it means to be a shadow. Everyone has a shadow and it is the exact imitation of you. Webster’s dictionary defines it as “an image cast on the ground of some surface by a body intercepting light; shelter, protection.” The Lord wants me to make His scripture very personal to me; He wants me to dwell in Him; He wants me to live in His shadow; He wants me to stop “doing” and just “be.” He said to me, “When I dwell in the shelter of the Most High, I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1.) One of the first scriptures He gave me as I began my journaling was in Isaiah 43:1-3, and He had me write it out with my name on it. He said to me, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, I am your Savior, Melody.” He continued to tell me, “I have never changed, I am the same yesterday, today and forever; I hold you in the palm of my hand; I have outstretched my hand of protection upon you and your family. I have blessed you more abundantly than you could have ever hoped or imagined; I have been your refuge and your strength all of these years; I have always been there for you; I have never left you, nor have I forsaken you. I have healed Elisha and he is made whole and he is here with Me, and you will see him again. I have set you apart for such a time as this. I have longed for intimacy with you, for you to stop and just be with Me, for you to abide in Me, for you to trust in Me, for you to completely abandon yourself to Me and to become utterly dependent upon Me, moment by moment, day by day. Do not take your eyes from Me, do not look to the left or to the right, focus on Me moment by moment. I see you, I know you, I am found by you each and every morning. I am delighted by you and your obedience to Me. You are my beautiful daughter and all that I have belongs to you. You have nothing to fear; no one can snatch you out of my hand. Continue to glean and grow from my Word and listen to what I have to say to you. My Word is powerful and a tool I have given you. Hide it in your heart and speak it to yourself in the corners of your mind.” Amen. – Melody

Grief & Guilt

Sixteen years old, feeling betrayed, alone, and scared, a young woman terminated her pregnancy and gave birth to guilt. The society that condoned and even encouraged her abortion could not understand her guilt. But not only was her spirit torn by guilt, it was also raw with a pain she could not understand. Slowly the pain took on a more defined form. The mass of tissue within her had been far more. It was the youngest of lives – but it was life. A baby girl? A baby boy? Brown hair? Blue eyes? Future ball player? TV commentator? The questions haunted and the young woman’s arms ached to hold the child whose life was abruptly shortened, while the grief and the guilt bound themselves together within her spirit. My heart has compassion for this young woman. Her story may be fictitious, and yet it is very real. And I also realize that it doesn’t take an abortion for the grief we experience to be distorted, scarred, and perpetuated by guilt. An accident. Angry words. Wrong choices. Strained relationships and unfinished business. If only... Whatever the reason for the guilt, the results are the same. Loss has many faces, but the loss and grief we are focusing on, occurs when a loved one, or one we wanted to love, is separated from us through death or the severing or distancing of a relationship. Grieving usually follows a somewhat predictable process that leads to acceptance and adjustment. Guilt, however, complicates the whole process. We can get stuck in denial of our loss, or in depression or anger. Our grief itself may be denied, or our “right” to it, or our feelings may be proverbially “stuffed.” The guilt infringes on our personal growth and on our relationships with others. Guilt is never a place God wants us to stay. We could distinguish between false guilt and true guilt, but both are just as destructive, and both have the same answer – an answer that is found in the miracle of God’s grace. It is a grace that is able to declare us totally pure and righteous before our holy and loving God. Guilt is courageously addressed as we come honestly before God, confess the reasons for our guilt, and in total dependence on the finished work of His Son and the forgiveness He offers, claim that forgiveness as our own. If we are dealing with a false guilt, I believe God will reveal that to us at some point. Facing our guilt with a godly friend or biblical counselor, even a lay counselor, will greatly affirm the work God is doing in our lives. Loss is a part of life, but the necessary grieving that follows need not be complicated by guilt. God is “big enough” for all of life’s losses, and He longs to embrace us as we journey through each one, and to free us from the bondage guilt can impose. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 51)

This Little Light of Mine

In the spaciousness of the large conference room where moments before we had eaten dinner together, each mom walked to the front of the room and lit the candle she was carrying. And then, with the emotion borne of loss and remembrance, each mom spoke into the microphone the name of her child who had died. From babies who died in the womb to young adults whose lives were shortened by tragedy, each name gave reality to the child who would never be forgotten, and whose abbreviated life had altered dreams and hopes and expectations, and was impacting still in incredible ways. For some the impact was one of intense grief, a grief that was still fresh. For others, the impact had altered, but the impact was giving impetus too to passionately making life different, and prayerfully better, for someone else. Each mom spoke, and each mom remembered, and each mom wanted to honor the memory of her child. As the candles were lit, and after each mom spoke, a circle of lighted candles began to wreath the room. Grief was being shared; lives were being remembered; comfort was being extended. And in the darkened room illumined only by the lit candles, we began to sing, “This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine... Won't let Satan blow it out. I'm gonna let it shine.... let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Let it shine til Jesus comes. I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine til Jesus comes. I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” It was a song for children, a song for our children, and I had never heard it sung so beautifully or with such meaning. The profundity of meaning touched some place deep within me. “This light” represented my child. “This light” captured the eternality of my child, an eternality I am still able to embrace here on earth, and an eternality I will embrace forever in heaven. My child may have died physically, but she is very much alive within my own life, very much alive as her memory continually speaks to me in thousands of ways, and very much alive as I love and as I give compassion. It is an eternality I will not allow Satan to snuff out, but rather an eternality that has become a light to still others who walk the journey of grief. I long for that light to shine, brilliantly and profusely, until Jesus comes to reunite me with my child. And within that reunion, I will be even more aware than I am today, that the only reason my light could shine, was because of Jesus. He is the one who brings light into the darkness of grief, and He is the one who allows the brevity of life to find purpose and meaning, even as His arms of compassion bring comfort. – Bev (Related Bible reading: 2 Corinthians 5:1-9)

Happy Birthday Jesus!!

Christmas Thoughts for Moms Who Grieve........... C ... C is for the Christ, the very essence and expression of God. At Christmas, He Came to make God’s plan of redemption and hope, possible. H ... H is for Hope, the Heartbeat of the believer that pulsates with longing for all of God’s gifts – the ones that encourage and strengthen here on earth and the reality of life eternal in His unchanging presence. R ... R is for Resources, the ones that come from God, the ones He gives sometimes even without our asking – Resources that allow us to take one step at a time, one day at a time, embracing our tears while He holds us in His arms. I ... I is for Inward or Inside, the place God most wants to meet us in the reality of our need; my anguish, sorrow, and pain, softened because Jesus came at Christmas. S ... S is for Salvation, the reason for Christmas, a baby’s arms being stretched out on a cross simply because He loves me and He loves the child who died before me. T... T is for Time, my todays, my yesterdays, my tomorrows – Jesus was born at just the right Time – and for Jesus and for me, God holds all of Time in His hands. M ... M is for Manger, the earthly birthing place for Jesus, but M is also for Mercy. Mercy too was born in the Manger, God withholding judgment because of the baby, and in its stead an overflow of grace for every tear and every need. A ... A is for Agony, the Agony of the cross that defeated the Agony of death, and it all started because God cares and understands, and He wanted to give His child so both me and my child would have hope. S ... S is for Season, the Season of Christmas shadowed by the Season of my grief. Neither Season ends – I’ve learned that about grief – but the Season of Christmas is eternal because God is eternal and the Season of Christmas is the reminder of all of God’s gifts that let me mourn and still walk, grieve and yet become, be comforted and in turn, give comfort to still others. Happy Birthday, Jesus!! And Thank You! from the depths of my heart.................... – Bev

No Words

Mary was a ponder-er. Gazing at her own child in the manger as the fear of the shepherds became a compulsive praise, she kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. She must have pondered when Simeon’s words in the temple brought both affirmation and foreboding prophecy, and when the angel uprooted the natal family to find safety in Egypt. Years later, frantic with parental worry, questioning her son about His choices, hearing His straightforward response that He needed to do the work of His Father, again she pondered as she stored all these things in her heart. ... Shamed before condemning onlookers, the woman’s adultery became a means for finding reason to accuse the One who claimed to be the Son of God. The woman though found compassion with Jesus and her self-righteous accusers dismissed themselves. When Jesus spoke to her without condemnation, her words to Him were few. ... It was still another woman who knelt behind him [Jesus] at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. Scripture doesn’t record any words spoken by this one who exchanged her guilt for forgiveness, but her actions are profound and they revealed her heart. ... Earlier, Jesus gave life to the only son of a widow. Interrupting both a funeral procession and the overwhelming grief of a mother, Jesus told her son to sit up and as he did, he began to speak. But again, Scripture records no words from the lips of one whose tears were dried. ... Neither do you hear the words of Jairus or his wife when their own young daughter is given life at the command of Jesus. Faith replaced their fear, and overwhelming joy and amazement replaced their weeping, but their emotions found no words. There are many in Scripture who verbally do respond to God’s work in their lives, but there are many too who simply ponder as Mary often did. There are those whose guilt or tragedy finds no words to express their emotions or thinking. And even in God-given provision, their lips are still quiet as they ponder the presence and purpose of God. Jesus met many, as He does us today, with gentleness and compassion, patience and understanding, and an acceptance of their situation although He had still more for them. He met them even in their silence because He knew their hearts. How differently He responded than we sometimes do when we meet the silence of a heart. God also tells us that our hearts will find a song; they will find the words that express not only their need, but also God meeting them within their need. I have heard many moms do that. In the raw, abrasive freshness of the death of their child, their tears spill out the dark, numbing silence of their hearts, and their prayers groan with heaviness, and no words. Jesus meets them as He did those in Scripture, and in time, they find their song and their words. Personally, I have experienced both guilt and tragedy, just as many of you have. God has met me, over and over and over, just as He has met you. And I have found my song, my words, my once silent words, and they express what was the quietness of my darkness, and the Jesus who met me there. Only very recently, I found the words that succinctly speak of my own heart as I remember my daughter, Tonia, and the Jesus who met us both ..................................... Child of my womb, my heart, my love. Birthed on earth, tiniest of rosebuds. Cradled by Jesus, petals unfolding Blossoming perfection, eternally alive. As I embrace my tears, She embraces her joy. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Luke 2:16-19; Luke 2:51; John 8:1-11; Luke 7:36-50; Luke 7:11-17; Luke 8:49-56)

Waves of Grief

GSnow’s post on reddit.com went viral as his words gave expression to the grief of thousands who read it. You can find all of his post online if you google, “An old man explains grief,” but I want to share just part of the wisdom his life, and death, experiences have taught him. He parallels grief to surviving a shipwreck, and part of his post says, In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find that the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breath, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything… and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. I have shared GSnow’s words with many who are walking their own journey of grief, and they are quick to validate his insights. GSnow acknowledges that the waves of grief come farther apart and lessen in intensity as the grief journey passes through time and healing – a healing that still loves, still remembers, and still holds a tug to re-unite. As believers, holding tightly to the God who loves and comforts, and gives His grace, or being carried close to the Father heart that knows and feels our tears and the pain of our loss, the sense of surviving a shipwreck is still very real. And for the believer, the triggers still come, for months, for years, for decades, for a lifetime. Initially, in those early months and years, we may expect the triggers. We still see the empty chair, sleep in a bed where one pillow grows cold, watch a child’s friends go to the next grade level, hit the winning home run, or we smell the scents that almost seemed to define our loved one. Grief slows life down to a crawl, but we do begin to walk, and then we do begin to make changes. Although we will forever carry our loved one in our heart as our loved one lives and delights within all the perfections of Heaven, our earthly lives transition and we express those lives in new and different ways. And the waves can still descend, and they can descend with an unexpected heaviness, a deep heaving sorrow that longs to hold our loved one close. I can enter the joy of a young and beautiful bride, expectantly walking the aisle on her wedding day, eager to exchange the arm of her Dad for all a young man offers her as they begin their lives as one. The tears that come though are tears of sadness, longing for the presence of our own daughter who will never walk a wedding aisle with her Dad, or dance the father-daughter dance with him, warmly wrapped in the memories of childhood. The wave was triggered, and it crashes, soaking me to the depths of my sometimes still fragile heart. And it is then I find my comfort where I have learned to find my comfort – in the constant, unchanging presence of my Father-God. Honest with my emotions, my memories, my thoughts, my longings, but letting Him carry me close to His heart one more time. And, it will probably happen again, but my God is real, and my God cares, and when the wave comes again, whenever that may be, my God will still be real, and close, and comforting. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Isaiah 40:11; Isaiah 41:13; Isaiah 46:4; Psalm 23:4; 2 Corinthians 1:2-4)