Buried in Brokenness

This life is a prelude to eternity. For the believer, it is an eternity of hope, fulfilled desires, and the total satisfaction of living in the literal presence of our eternal God. It is an unending reunion too with the loved ones who departed this life before us. What else it is, is hinted at in Scripture, but a full knowledge of what lies before us seems to be beyond human comprehension. Within our prelude, we experience a full range of emotions and thinking as we respond to the happenings we are a part of. For many, those experiences are raw and traumatic, gouging holes in our hearts that seem totally irreparable. Broken bodies do not bring the same pain as a broken heart does. The splinters of brokenness continually prick against the spirit that wants to escape them. As believers, we find a healing with our God, but still it is often a healing that although it allows for growth and the experiencing of God’s grace, the brokenness casts its shadow over the inner spirit, over relationships, and over our ability to fully embrace all that God has for us. The wounded believer, though revived beyond expectations, senses the lingering taunt of what-could-have-been. The fifteenth chapter of 1 Corinthians pulses with the hope of eternity. Our earthly bodies are planted in the ground when we die, but they will be raised to live forever. Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. They are buried as natural human bodies, but they will be raised as spiritual bodies. The words, “buried in brokenness,” echoed in my mind and my heart as I read them. I compared the New Living Translation I had before me with other translations. I realized that what God said to my spirit differed somewhat from the actual intent of the words, but I knew the truth was still there. We may live on this earth with a stubborn brokenness, that has been softened by God’s love and grace, but still it lingers. We may cry out for the thorn of our brokenness to be removed, and yet God still allows it. When we ask for the “why?,” we are reminded of the things we learn from our brokenness, the dependence on God that transcends necessity, the fragile spirit that senses, often without words, the brokenness of others. The hope of eternity offers unimaginable security, potential, and freedom, but for the one who is aware that she will probably be “buried in brokenness,” that hope is the light she reaches for within her shadow. Precious believer, when life brings a brokenness that cannot be shaken, know with a certainty that God has neither forgotten you nor abandoned you. His loving Father-heart embraces you in your brokenness and whispers the hope of eternity. – Bev (Related Bible reading: 1 Corinthians 15:42-55)

Walking With God

Deuteronomy 1:21 “See, the LORD your God has given you the land. Go up and take possession of it as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, told you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Have you ever stepped out in faith and started to do something that you felt the Lord spoke to your heart to do, only to fall flat? Have you grown weary of doing good or have you become discouraged because things did not turn out the way you planned? Throughout the Bible, over and over again, the Lord addresses fear and discouragement. Even though Moses delivered his people out of Egypt, the Lord allowed Moses to be driven into an empty discouragement, when God sent him into the wilderness for forty years. Moses saw a lot of things during that time that must have been very discouraging, but we also know that Moses learned how to rely on the Lord and how to trust Him in the wilderness, how to have true fellowship and oneness with the Creator of the Universe. Deut. 31:8 “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." The Lord always goes before us and He has promised to lead us and guide every step of the way, He has said His Word is a lamp unto our feet and that He will never leave us not forsake us. He says over and over again, “Do not be afraid, do not become discouraged.” God uses every single obstacle that comes into our lives and He uses an infinite number of vehicles in the process of helping us to grow. No one becomes instantly mature; it is not a sprint; it is a marathon. Moses persevered for 40 years; every morning waking up and learning how faithful God was each and every day when He provided His people with just enough for the day. I believe He wants us to look to Him each morning for our daily needs, for our daily bread. Each of us needs to learn certain practices that will help us grow in our faith and become stronger and more fulfilled. When you put these things into practice, you’ll be renewed and refreshed in your faith every day. And one day, you will see the promised land He faithfully continues to lead us to. – Melody

A Different Kind of "Why?"

“O God my rock,” I cry. “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?” Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again – my Savior and my God! The psalmist asks the “why?” of the grief-stricken or discouraged, but he asks more than that. He even has reason for his grief-stricken “why.” Life is hard. Too many changes have happened. He longs for the memories of yesterday. He wants a reality of God that will defy the taunts of the enemy. But within the words that echo the sentiments of his heart is the answer his heart longs for. His answer lies with God, a God who sweeps over him with His love, and His provision. This is the God he yearns for, but He is already there! And within the “why?” that seeks resolution is the “why?” he asks of himself. Why do I hold onto sadness and discouragement? Why do I feel only the tears that stain my face, and why do I hear only the nagging doubts of the enemy? Yes, life is hard, but God has not abandoned him. God is there! The heart that fears needs to be a heart that trusts. Sometimes the two seem incompatible, but I dare to differ. In the heartaches and difficulties of life, I can find my emotions reeling from a reality I want to escape. I have a choice when my emotions assault. I probably have several choices. I could choose to suppress my emotions, sit on them, and decide that a believer should not be emotionally reactive. I could give in to those emotions, recognizing the limited ability I have to control them, and thereby allow my emotions to govern my responses. I could abandon life completely, shutting myself off from relationships that could help to bring some encouragement or a change in perspective. I mean, why try when life is just too hard??? Why try at relationships or resolution or anything else that could be deemed productive? Or, I could choose to allow my emotions to draw me to my God. That was what the psalmist did. And he found God was already there. God does not abandon me because my emotions run amuck. How often have you comforted your child when her own little world seemed to have fallen apart? Her frustration poured out tears and her words and body language gave vivid affirmation of her calamity, but your words of gentle assurance and the warmth of your touch softened life for her. How much more loving and caring is our God? And even as I long for His reality, He longs to embrace me with it. Trust His heart and believe His presence. Let your emotions draw you to the lap of your Father-God. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 42:1-11)

Shattered Dreams

A single word. An accident. An unexpected turn of events. A failure. A loss of relationship. Any one of these can change the rest of our lives. The dreams and hopes and expectations that give meaning to our lives are suddenly and abruptly shattered, and fear and emptiness take their place. Emotional turmoil wrecks havoc with any sense of perspective or direction. God seems strangely and distantly silent. The cocoon of my loss paralyzes, and I struggle simply to move forward one day at a time. It happens to all of us – in different ways and at different times – but, it happens. How do we cope with those things that seem to alter the very heart of what we wanted? We will grieve, and even as Job did not sin when he gave stark expression to his grief, neither do we. The process of grieving is healthy, but it is not an end in itself. When dreams splinter or die, we move forward only through acceptance. Acceptance, however, is not simply resigning ourselves to the fact of our loss. Biblical acceptance has a much more empowering effect on our lives, because Biblical acceptance is directed toward God. Acceptance apart from God is pure self-effort, and often futile. Biblical acceptance acknowledges God’s presence and control in the life of the believer. God’s purposes, God’s love, God’s enablement, and God’s grace are all actively at work in my life. As much as I recognize the needs that lost hopes create, God recognizes those needs as well, and promises me a walkable path through them. Let me close with some words I’ve written before. Acceptance is not usually easy, but it is necessary. Your emotions, your feelings, your perspective, and your thinking are all very real. They are not negated by acceptance, but they will be shaped and perhaps redefined by acceptance. Acceptance puts your hand in God’s hand, and with quiet confidence in His loving father-heart, says, “I know You were there. I know You are, and will be here. I want to walk on Your walkable path.” (Related Bible reading: Psalm 13:1-6; Proverbs 3:5,6)

– Bev

You are Mine

Philippians 3:12 “Not that I have already obtained all this, or I am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me His own.” These past couple weeks, I have taken a break from my laptop and have sat before the Lord with a pen in my hand and have started journaling again. I used to write in a journal every morning, but when I began to write the devotionals, I switched to a computer because it is faster and I could get my thoughts on paper much quicker than I was able to the conventional way. The reason why I took the break is that I have been struggling with my identity in Christ; I felt like I had lost my purpose and my meaning. As a result, I have a head knowledge with all this wisdom that the Lord has given me, but it is not reaching my heart. I wasn’t feeling His love for me; I was not feeling intimate with Him. Even though I knew His truths, they were not resonating with me and I was unable to apply His truths to my life and my situation. I had become anxious and weary and even though I knew it was true that God loved me and cared about me, there was a lack of belief that it was really so; I had doubts that I really belonged to Him, that Christ Jesus had made me His own and that His promises were really mine. I was filled with anxiety and fear and I knew that was not from Him, so He called me to be still before Him and abide in Him. He gave me scriptures that said to dwell in Him, and become the shadow of the Most High. I thought about what it means to be a shadow. Everyone has a shadow and it is the exact imitation of you. Webster’s dictionary defines it as “an image cast on the ground of some surface by a body intercepting light; shelter, protection.” The Lord wants me to make His scripture very personal to me; He wants me to dwell in Him; He wants me to live in His shadow; He wants me to stop “doing” and just “be.” He said to me, “When I dwell in the shelter of the Most High, I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1.) One of the first scriptures He gave me as I began my journaling was in Isaiah 43:1-3, and He had me write it out with my name on it. He said to me, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, I am your Savior, Melody.” He continued to tell me, “I have never changed, I am the same yesterday, today and forever; I hold you in the palm of my hand; I have outstretched my hand of protection upon you and your family. I have blessed you more abundantly than you could have ever hoped or imagined; I have been your refuge and your strength all of these years; I have always been there for you; I have never left you, nor have I forsaken you. I have healed Elisha and he is made whole and he is here with Me, and you will see him again. I have set you apart for such a time as this. I have longed for intimacy with you, for you to stop and just be with Me, for you to abide in Me, for you to trust in Me, for you to completely abandon yourself to Me and to become utterly dependent upon Me, moment by moment, day by day. Do not take your eyes from Me, do not look to the left or to the right, focus on Me moment by moment. I see you, I know you, I am found by you each and every morning. I am delighted by you and your obedience to Me. You are my beautiful daughter and all that I have belongs to you. You have nothing to fear; no one can snatch you out of my hand. Continue to glean and grow from my Word and listen to what I have to say to you. My Word is powerful and a tool I have given you. Hide it in your heart and speak it to yourself in the corners of your mind.” Amen. – Melody

Grief & Guilt

Sixteen years old, feeling betrayed, alone, and scared, a young woman terminated her pregnancy and gave birth to guilt. The society that condoned and even encouraged her abortion could not understand her guilt. But not only was her spirit torn by guilt, it was also raw with a pain she could not understand. Slowly the pain took on a more defined form. The mass of tissue within her had been far more. It was the youngest of lives – but it was life. A baby girl? A baby boy? Brown hair? Blue eyes? Future ball player? TV commentator? The questions haunted and the young woman’s arms ached to hold the child whose life was abruptly shortened, while the grief and the guilt bound themselves together within her spirit. My heart has compassion for this young woman. Her story may be fictitious, and yet it is very real. And I also realize that it doesn’t take an abortion for the grief we experience to be distorted, scarred, and perpetuated by guilt. An accident. Angry words. Wrong choices. Strained relationships and unfinished business. If only... Whatever the reason for the guilt, the results are the same. Loss has many faces, but the loss and grief we are focusing on, occurs when a loved one, or one we wanted to love, is separated from us through death or the severing or distancing of a relationship. Grieving usually follows a somewhat predictable process that leads to acceptance and adjustment. Guilt, however, complicates the whole process. We can get stuck in denial of our loss, or in depression or anger. Our grief itself may be denied, or our “right” to it, or our feelings may be proverbially “stuffed.” The guilt infringes on our personal growth and on our relationships with others. Guilt is never a place God wants us to stay. We could distinguish between false guilt and true guilt, but both are just as destructive, and both have the same answer – an answer that is found in the miracle of God’s grace. It is a grace that is able to declare us totally pure and righteous before our holy and loving God. Guilt is courageously addressed as we come honestly before God, confess the reasons for our guilt, and in total dependence on the finished work of His Son and the forgiveness He offers, claim that forgiveness as our own. If we are dealing with a false guilt, I believe God will reveal that to us at some point. Facing our guilt with a godly friend or biblical counselor, even a lay counselor, will greatly affirm the work God is doing in our lives. Loss is a part of life, but the necessary grieving that follows need not be complicated by guilt. God is “big enough” for all of life’s losses, and He longs to embrace us as we journey through each one, and to free us from the bondage guilt can impose. – Bev (Related Bible reading: Psalm 51)

This Little Light of Mine

In the spaciousness of the large conference room where moments before we had eaten dinner together, each mom walked to the front of the room and lit the candle she was carrying. And then, with the emotion borne of loss and remembrance, each mom spoke into the microphone the name of her child who had died. From babies who died in the womb to young adults whose lives were shortened by tragedy, each name gave reality to the child who would never be forgotten, and whose abbreviated life had altered dreams and hopes and expectations, and was impacting still in incredible ways. For some the impact was one of intense grief, a grief that was still fresh. For others, the impact had altered, but the impact was giving impetus too to passionately making life different, and prayerfully better, for someone else. Each mom spoke, and each mom remembered, and each mom wanted to honor the memory of her child. As the candles were lit, and after each mom spoke, a circle of lighted candles began to wreath the room. Grief was being shared; lives were being remembered; comfort was being extended. And in the darkened room illumined only by the lit candles, we began to sing, “This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine... Won't let Satan blow it out. I'm gonna let it shine.... let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Let it shine til Jesus comes. I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine til Jesus comes. I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” It was a song for children, a song for our children, and I had never heard it sung so beautifully or with such meaning. The profundity of meaning touched some place deep within me. “This light” represented my child. “This light” captured the eternality of my child, an eternality I am still able to embrace here on earth, and an eternality I will embrace forever in heaven. My child may have died physically, but she is very much alive within my own life, very much alive as her memory continually speaks to me in thousands of ways, and very much alive as I love and as I give compassion. It is an eternality I will not allow Satan to snuff out, but rather an eternality that has become a light to still others who walk the journey of grief. I long for that light to shine, brilliantly and profusely, until Jesus comes to reunite me with my child. And within that reunion, I will be even more aware than I am today, that the only reason my light could shine, was because of Jesus. He is the one who brings light into the darkness of grief, and He is the one who allows the brevity of life to find purpose and meaning, even as His arms of compassion bring comfort. – Bev (Related Bible reading: 2 Corinthians 5:1-9)