Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.”
The Lord is continually teaching me how the death of my daughter continues to affect me. Sixteen years later and a weekend of company was a teachable moment for me. I love having people visit me and I look forward to spending time with the people I love. I have become aware of some anxiety as I watch a house that is somewhat orderly slowly, or sometimes quickly, depending on the size of the visitors, become in a state of disarray. I am realizing that in many ways it is having a negative impact on me and my visitors, although I do my best to pretend everything is alright. I even have noticed I am picking up as they are exiting my front door. As I write this I know I must sound somewhat fanatical and I agree. I have been giving this some thought.
I have come to realize that in my home, when everything is in its place, I feel life is in control. When things are no longer where I expect them to be, I find myself feeling anxious and that everything might soon go out of control. You see, after the death of my daughter, I learned really fast how little control I have in this world of mine. Ah, but I do have control over the pictures I set on a table, beds that are made and a sink void of dirty dishes. I realized that is how my fear is exhibited. When everything is in its place, all is right within my world. In other words, everyone I love is here and accounted for. When I have things out of place, I become anxious. Yes, I learned all this from a messy house and a weekend full of company! It is a plain and simple fear of what is going to happen next in my life and if I will survive it. God does not want me or you living in fear. Fear takes the joy out of our everyday lives. Therefore, if you come to my home and find an unmade bed or dishes in my sink, understand that I am learning to cast my burden of fear onto the Lord.
– Michele
