Habakkuk 3:17-18 “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”
‘Tis the season! This time of year is a minefield for those of us who have lost a child. We sometimes feel like Habakkuk. We feel like our vines are bare, our crops have failed. The empty chair that once held our child feels even more overwhelming. We hear the words, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and we face celebrating the beginning of a new year without our child. We can find a definition of those words in the dictionary, but sometimes it is hard to define them in our days.
Mary Cleckly wrote, “The words thankful and thankless follow one another in the dictionary: So close together in a book yet so far apart in meaning. When you think about it, the difference between the two words, are full and less.” So in this time of celebrating you might find yourself in a good place. Your soul is full of thanksgiving. You have seen the goodness of the Lord as He carries you through this grief journey. You have felt His presence as He walked beside you through your moment by moment struggles. Some of us, on the other hand, might feel thankless. We can’t take a magic potion that will erase our memories or our feelings. Our feelings are our feelings and they need to be acknowledged, both good and bad. We get through this season just like we have dealt with every other day we have managed to live through. We take it one feeling at a time and one moment at a time. Our grief represents the love a mother has for her child and the love a child has for their mother. I pray that as we celebrate Thanksgiving, you will find a moment of gratefulness in being called your child’s mom. If that moment of gratitude eludes because you feel you have been cheated by their absence, acknowledge it, feel it and understand that it’s okay. The God who is our Savior is gracious and compassionate. He is slow to anger and rich in love. He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. He has searched you and He knows your every thought and word before you have thought it or said it. He knows all, so there is no reason to pretend. He will understand. In that we can be grateful.
Lord, sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees when we are grieving. Our pain is real and it can darken the world that surrounds us. I pray for those who find themselves in this dark place. We each at one time or another have lived in this place. I pray a glimpse of light might shine through on this day of thanksgiving.
– Michele
