I learned a long time ago that what I eat affects a whole bunch of other stuff in my life – my weight, my health, my mood (or vice versa), my energy level, even relationships and the opinions of others. It even affects the family budget and family traditions, and choices for eating out, by myself, or with family or friends. Other things can have a similar domino effect, like the morning one of the irrigation pipes in our front yard burst. Being a cold morning, we had a layer of ice all over the yard, even with the unusual waterfall cascading from a ground level concealment for cable and telephone wires. Inside our house, the water just slowed down until it stopped, and that ushered in a day of paper plates, plastic utensils, no showers, no bathing, and, uhhh, be careful with the toilets.
In strikingly similar ways, grief is seldom a response solely wrapped in the sense of loss and pain we are experiencing because someone we love has passed away. Grief is a statement of love – a love that has been given and nurtured, enjoyed and sometimes challenged, but ultimately rising above the challenge. The intensity and expression and how long of grief is shaped by a myriad of uniquely individual factors – the relationship you had or didn’t have with your loved one, the dreams and hopes that were set aside, the memories you shared, the memories you wanted to make, but now they won’t happen. Grief is impacted by how a loved one died, and how life was being lived prior to death – or whether or not life had slowed physically or mentally, or even emotionally. And when a loved one passes, so many other pieces can splinter – our own identity, our own purpose, our own capacity for providing for the needs of life. The crisis of grief can be expressed physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For those already engaged in a caring community, that community can provide support, but sometimes, some of those very people you thought you could count on, seem to disappear. And sometimes, the choice to recluse is our own. To simplify a thousand illustrations, grief simply, but often with agonizing difficulty, affects all of life, and all of life affects grief.
The death of my brother in the New York City area crushed a family just days before the horrors of 9/11. His daughter worked in the Twin Towers, but she didn’t go to work that day because her dad’s funeral had been just the day before. Personal grief was complicated when it was woven together with national tragedy. Our family will never forget 9/11 because two events in our own grieving, were woven into one, and the aftermath of that union unfolded in unprecedented ways. Our daughter died at birth. Tonia was the gift I never thought I would have, given the guilt and shame that consumed me after a childhood of dysfunction, distorted biblical teaching, and some of my own wrong choices. And then Tonia died. It would take decades to find the miracle God had for me in my own interactions of grief and life.
The Bible doesn’t shy away from the darkness of grief, and it only takes a short time of reflection to see the weavings of grief and life in the lives of people like Naomi and Ruth, David, Hannah, Job, Mary and Martha, and then the disciples, and Mary, at the death of Jesus, their friend and teacher, Mary’s child. Like the thief on the cross, death for the believer ushers us into the eternal home of God, into His literal presence within all the perfections and fulfillment of Heaven. There is only hope and joy in that reality. But still, we grieve, because again, grief is a statement of love, of a relationship that can no longer be experienced in familiar ways here on Earth. And in all the complexities and interactions of grief, our God is as faithful to us as He is to the one who died. Coping with grief as it affects all of life, and coping with life as it deeply affects my grief, God’s promises give His presence and His grace. God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
– Bev
(Related Bible reading: Psalm 46:1,2; Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 34:18; 2 Corinthians 1:3,4)
