Sixteen years old, feeling betrayed, alone, and scared, a young woman terminated her pregnancy and gave birth to guilt. The society that condoned and even encouraged her abortion could not understand her guilt. But not only was her spirit torn by guilt, it was also raw with a pain she could not understand. Slowly the pain took on a more defined form. The mass of tissue within her had been far more. It was the youngest of lives – but it was life. A baby girl? A baby boy? Brown hair? Blue eyes? Future ball player? TV commentator? The questions haunted and the young woman’s arms ached to hold the child whose life was abruptly shortened, while the grief and the guilt bound themselves together within her spirit. My heart has compassion for this young woman. Her story may be fictitious, and yet it is very real. And I also realize that it doesn’t take an abortion for the grief we experience to be distorted, scarred, and perpetuated by guilt. An accident. Angry words. Wrong choices. Strained relationships and unfinished business. If only... Whatever the reason for the guilt, the results are the same.
Loss has many faces, but the loss and grief we are focusing on, occurs when a loved one, or one we wanted to love, is separated from us through death or the severing or distancing of a relationship. Grieving usually follows a somewhat predictable process that leads to acceptance and adjustment. Guilt, however, complicates the whole process. We can get stuck in denial of our loss, or in depression or anger. Our grief itself may be denied, or our “right” to it, or our feelings may be proverbially “stuffed.” The guilt infringes on our personal growth and on our relationships with others. Guilt is never a place God wants us to stay. We could distinguish between false guilt and true guilt, but both are just as destructive, and both have the same answer – an answer that is found in the miracle of God’s grace. It is a grace that is able to declare us totally pure and righteous before our holy and loving God. Guilt is courageously addressed as we come honestly before God, confess the reasons for our guilt, and in total dependence on the finished work of His Son and the forgiveness He offers, claim that forgiveness as our own. If we are dealing with a false guilt, I believe God will reveal that to us at some point. Facing our guilt with a godly friend or biblical counselor, even a lay counselor, will greatly affirm the work God is doing in our lives. Loss is a part of life, but the necessary grieving that follows need not be complicated by guilt. God is “big enough” for all of life’s losses, and He longs to embrace us as we journey through each one, and to free us from the bondage guilt can impose.
– Bev
(Related Bible reading: Psalm 51)
