The old man who purportedly once explained the grieving process, described waves one hundred feet tall, crashing on the beach as the one who was grieving was thrashed without mercy. The crippling soaking would repeat itself without a full recovery from the first drenching. And then it happened again. Time alone doesn’t heal, but with the passing of days, the waves typically diminish in their enormity and they happen farther and farther apart, with only the occasional overwhelming crash triggered by frustration, misunderstanding, relational failures or inadequacies, memories, or flashbacks brought on by unnoticeable events. The triggers are unexpected, but they can cocoon for their season as if I was much earlier in that grieving process. It is then the fog surrounds me. Haven’t I already faced the questions, the doubts, the pain of the newer fog?
In experiencing grief, I too have had the fog of unexpected triggers. I believe Melody Haak has too because she explained the choice that becomes ours. Whenever I start to feel discouraged or distressed, I can let my pain and sorrow overwhelm me and allow my circumstances to create in me a bitterness and resentment toward God and toward other people, or I can allow the Holy Spirit to be my soul vitamin, to allow Him to give me the spiritual nutrients I need that are crucial for me to move forward in boldness and confidence.
In my own words, I have compared the choice to looking in the mirror, seeing myself – my hurts, my frustrations, my misery, my thinking, my feelings, and in turn, my responses are distorted. Or, I can use life’s difficulties as windows through which I can see the reality of God, the smile of His encouraging presence, and the direction of His leading and enablement. Mirrors leave us where we are. The window through which we see God brings hope. The choice is ours.
And in choosing, I remember, my God has not changed. And I hear Him speaking again, “I am the God of your yesterdays, and I am the God of today, and even of tomorrow. Be still. Rest. Find in me all that your heart cries out for. And you will know that I am God. I have not changed.”
Winn Collier, in writing for Our Daily Bread, wrote, “Many of us struggle to get a decent night’s rest. .....We might suffer sleeplessness for a number of reasons – including a mountain of anxieties ..... Sometimes it’s hard for us to turn off the fear and relax. ..... Thankfully, God does provide what we need. He ‘grants sleep to those he loves.' (Psalm 127: 2) And God’s love extends to all of us. He invites us to release our anxieties to Him and sink into His rest, into His grace.”
Listening and participating as the congregation sang Raise A Hallelujah, my spirit was encouraged again. I raise a hallelujah, in the presence of my enemies. I raise a hallelujah, louder than the unbelief. I raise a hallelujah, my weapon is a melody. I raise a hallelujah, Heaven comes to fight for me. I'm gonna sing, in the middle of the storm. Louder and louder, you're gonna hear my praises roar. Up from the ashes, HOPE will arise.
– Bev
(Related Bible reading: Psalm 30:11,12)
