Prayerfully, sometime relatively early in my journey of grief, as I am both wanting to hold tightly to all the emotions that seem to keep me in a oneness with my child, but I am also wanting to emerge from the suffocating darkness and raging rawness of my child’s death, I begin to reach for something, someone, bigger and more capable than I am, And again, prayerfully, I will reach for the hand of God – the God who wants to carry me, embrace me, and enable me to walk forward, responding to Him, even as my love and memories for my child, and of my child, remain vibrant.
Even as I write this, I realize some of us were taught about the God in our religion, and He was very distant, especially when I wasn’t meeting His expectations. When my daughter died, that was the God I knew. Others though knew that God longed to walk the journey of grief with us, and He would accept our tears, even our questions, and wrap us tightly in His compassion, His love, and His care. I could choose to walk my journey with the God of relationship, the God who loves me so intensely His own Son died so that THIS God could be my own eternal Father, and the embracing God who carries me on my journey of grief.
I asked the question on the website www.gotquestions.org, a favorite resource of mine when I am trying to sort through biblical truth. I asked the question, in reference to Christianity, is it a religion or a relationship. The paragraph below attempts to draw together the basics of their answer...........
Most religion, theistic or otherwise, is man-centered. Any relationship with God is based on man’s works. ...
Most religions are similar in that they are built upon the concept that man can reach a higher power or state of being through his own efforts. ... According to Christianity [however], God did for us what we cannot do for ourselves. ... The grace-based relationship between God and man is the foundation of Christianity and the antithesis of religion. ... “Love” speaks of relationship. ... Holiness and obedience to Scripture are important, but they are evidences of a transformed heart, not a means to attain it. ... Christianity is not about signing up for a religion. Christianity is about being born into the family of God. It is a relationship.
This God hears my voice, and my prayer for mercy, as He bends down to listen to me. I can place all I am carrying in His hands, and with an emptiness that is still raw, but pure, I can tell Him, “I can’t, but He can, and I want to let Him.” And I tell Him over and over and over, especially when my emotions overwhelm me. And even though my heart still longs to listen to my child, to speak encouragement to my child, to give nurture and guidance, and sometimes, just fun! – I am learning to say “Thank You” for the gifts my God gives every day.
– Bev
(Related Bible reading: Psalm 116:1,2)
