January 13, 2022

Shaped and Influenced

Each of our lives is shaped and influenced by those around us – sometimes darkly negative, and sometimes profoundly positive. From some we get just glimpses of new thinking, and from some, samplings of attitude or examples to embrace and follow, or perhaps, avoid. Though there are many who in varying degrees have impacted my own thinking and helped to shape me emotionally, spiritually, and directionally, there is one from whom I have learned, gained understanding, and enlarged my sense of purpose – one who is distinct in the walk she has taken with me over the decades. She taught me how to love, to immerse myself in the oceans of emotion that love ebbs and flows with, and she taught me how to love when love isn’t returned. A love that simply loves because the object of that love is worthy of love, and so much more. She was the catalyst who taught me the all-encompassing forgiveness of God, a forgiveness far greater than any transgression or failure, deliberate or unintentional, a forgiveness birthed by the grace of God, a forgiveness that flows from the very heart of the God who washes us – washes me -- in its eternal cleansing. She taught me that life has seasons and every season has a purpose, and God is always at work, never wasting, never losing control, always purposeful. She helped me understand that sometimes one season is barely distinguishable from the next and the first steps into the second, and yet when I reflect in hindsight, I see the fingerprints of God, loving, caring, giving, teaching, in different ways, deepening the beauty He longs to bring from the ashes. She has given me a heart for others, those who hurt and those who sometimes are deeply wounded by their pain. She has taught me that every life, no matter how brief or how long, is a life created by God, a life with purpose and meaning. She has nurtured within me compassion and empathy, helped me to ask what is most important, challenged me to reach beyond myself, taught me the intensity of desperate dependence on the God who walks with us and who sometimes lifts us to His breast, and carries us in His arms. She has helped to define the circle of life that holds together the good, the blessings, the difficulties, and the heartaches – none of which escapes the watchfulness or the provision of our God. And she has taught me so very, very clearly that our life here is just a prelude to eternity – an eternity of perfection, completion, and total fulfillment – an eternity that celebrates the God who makes it all possible, and an eternity pulsating with the joy of reunion. Her name is Tonia, and really, her name is Tonia Joy. She is our daughter, our first born, the child my arms ached to hold, but she was embraced by the arms of Jesus within that perfection of Heaven shortly after her birth. Instead of my arms holding her, my heart and my life began a journey of grief, a journey for a lifetime, a journey that Tonia has always been part of, a journey in which she has been the heart and the voice of God, teaching me the echos of His heart. How has that been possible? God Himself has made it possible. God Himself is the One who is the comforter of the bereaved, the hope of every desperate prayer, the eternality of every conception, the One who sees and feels every tear, and in time, allows those tears to flow with the tears of another. God makes my impossible journey, possible. He reaches out His arms of love, takes me by the hand, and walks with me, day by day, moment by moment. Even in the dark. Even when I don’t understand. Even when my steps hesitate. My child is real. Heaven is real. My God is real. – Bev (Related Bible reading: 2 Corinthians 4:7-18)