A grieving mom is more likely to ask the question in the privacy of her own tears, and even then, questioning too whether or not the question is even heard. And the more often she asks her question in private, the more likely she will wrap herself in the misery of believing that if God truly exists, He really didn’t care, and His sovereignty ignored the cries of her dying child. Her question is always a hard one to answer, because the one asking may or may not be open to a biblical answer, and the biblical answer isn't clearly spelled out, but it is still there. The question actually comes down to two questions -- Is God really sovereign? and, Is He really a loving God?
Is He sovereign? Scripture is very clear on that, yes, He is. But, what does that mean? Does it mean He dictates every happening in our world? We cannot say yes, because evil cannot come from God. He still though is an all knowing God who has a plan that began in eternity past and will continue through all the future of eternity. Our world though is broken and individual choices are often broken choices. And God has allowed for the consequences of brokenness. He allows for our wrong choices and for our crippled choices. In the world God originally planned, His intent was perfection, but man's wrong choices broke that perfection and we have lived with the consequences of wrong choices ever since.
God has a big picture too that we only have a minute understanding of, and in that big picture God will accomplish His plan, His intent. But when our child dies, it’s hard to see beyond our own brokenness. And yet still, God shares our tears and our grief, just as He did with Job, and just as Jesus did when He walked this earth. Is it possible that our child died because God planned that child's death with the how and the when??? Very definitely, yes. Is it possible that God allowed that child to die because of his wrong choices or the wrong choices of others, or because that child had a broken body, or ........... Again, yes. But God's big picture still allows for beauty to come from the ashes, no matter what caused the ashes.
So, how is a mom, a parent, to respond? There are many times we do not get a specific answer to a specific why question, beyond the basic answers as above. So, how do we respond??? God's own Son died, and God, His Father, did plan His Son's death. Why??? Because God loved the whole world, He gave, to bring the world He loves, into relationship with Him. God does nothing apart from love. Love is the essence of who He is, and love is the foundation of all He does. And a parenthetical thought here -- God is more interested in what is eternal and in eternity, than He is in what is temporal.
In responding to the very real grief of a mom, she needs to be encouraged to trust the heart of God. Especially when she has no answer to her why. Melanie DeSimone lost her son and she knows we don't always understand, we don't always "feel," and we sometimes ask questions. And she acknowledges that there are lessons we sometimes need to learn that can be very hard to learn, and even in learning those lessons, it doesn’t take away the pain. Melanie reminds us, “God’s ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. He is not required to fit into whatever box I wish to place Him.” And she shares more of what she feels, but she also shares what she chooses. “I can’t figure out what God is doing with my life. I don’t feel victorious. Mostly I feel tired. But I am absolutely convinced that God loves me and that He is doing SOMETHING. What that is and how He is doing it are hidden from me. I don’t understand. I can’t trace His hand. But I trust His heart.”
– Bev
(Related Bible reading: Psalm 40:1-3)
_________________________________________________________
DeSimone, Melanie https://thelifeididntchoose.com/2018/10/09/and-if-not-hes-still-god/
