Revelation 3:20 “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”
This verse was spoken to me when my sister introduced me to the Lord. She explained how He loved me and was waiting for me to invite Him into my heart. That was about 30 years ago. It has been a decision I have never regretted, especially after the loss of my daughter Katie. I don’t know how I would have survived without the promises from the Lord. Yet here I am today in this place of wondering where is my Lord. Why does He feel so distant? I wonder if I have unconfessed sin. I open my Bible and read His Word, but nothing is bringing me comfort or peace. I find myself in this place of doubting, not so much His existence, but more my feeling of being unworthy. After all He has done for me in my life, why do I doubt His love? Is that my sin? Doubting Him and His promise that if I hear His voice He will sit with me? Am I not listening to His voice? I wonder if I am afraid to listen to His voice because I will have to raise my game. I will have to be more, to do more. I see others around me who live their lives totally devoted to Him and I feel like I fall short. As I write this I know this is me being held in bondage by the evil one.
He tells me I am His child. I have been hand picked by Him. But why me? I am nothing special. I guess that is why He is God. He loves us no matter what we feel about ourselves. He loves us even when we feel the door has been shut on us. Jeremiah 23:23-24 God asks “Am I a God who is only close at hand?” says the Lord.“No, I am far away at the same time. Can anyone hide from me in a secret place? Am I not everywhere in all the heavens and earth?”says the Lord. I know this is a season in my life that will pass. I need to keep that door open. He is not through with me yet.
Lord, You will use this season of my life for good. I know it.
– Michele
