My childhood home was broken by unfaithfulness, muted promises, abuse, and separation. I grew up feeling very responsible for all the wrong that surrounded me. I was a bad girl, unworthy of love, especially undeserving of God’s love, undeserving of ever being a wife or a mom. The heavy weight of guilt I carried distorted life and my own potential. I learned how to present a person who was acceptable, but my inner person was shredded with guilt and shame, and then, my daughter died. Some of you can relate to my story, and many of you can share your own story of tragedy, loss, disappointment, failure, broken relationships – and then ..... With my own dysfunctional and abusive background, and then, my daughter died, there are two things I always wanted. And your own story may have a strong desire for those things as well.
One, I had always wanted A REAL GOD FOR REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL NEEDS.......... As a child, teenager, and young adult, the God I knew about was distant and punitive. Christianity was neatly packaged with its rules, traditions, and well rehearsed beliefs that conformed outward behaviors, but NOTHING TOUCHED my hurting, broken heart. I wanted the closeness of a personal God, whose love was warm and vibrant, who accepted me even with my questions, my emptiness, my pain, and my failures. I wanted a God who understood my own reality, and I wanted a reality of God I could go to over, and over, and over, and know His arms were opened wide to embrace me. The second gift I had always wanted was – HOPE. Hope in my brokenness. Eternal hope for my child. Hope to be able to walk in my brokenness. Hope that my brokenness could have a healing and even, a purpose.
I see the God I wanted in the Son He sent to walk a journey on earth before He sacrificially expressed His love for me on the cross making all that I longed for, possible. But as He grew from the Baby in the manger to the wholly man who was still wholly God, He shared Himself with the people who were walking, and living, in the towns He walked and lived in, and many of whom were also experiencing the hardships of our world. Yes, He taught them truth, and He taught them about who He was, and why He was among them. He taught them about sin issues that draw us away from God. But some too were just hungry after listening for awhile, and Jesus responded by feeding thousands at one time. The widow was experiencing loss upon loss. Her husband had already been buried, and now her son, her only son, was being carried to his burial place. But Jesus saw her, and His heart overflowed with compassion. Jesus spoke to the young man, and the young man sat up and began talking, and went back to his mother. Mary Magdalene was taunted, shamed, confused, and literally, possessed by demons. But Jesus cared, and He had a plan and a purpose for her, and freed her from her demons. Can we relate with our own losses, our own hunger, limited finances, or job challenges, or our own insecurities or emotional needs? Jesus cares!! And just like the father of the prodigal son, Jesus will run to us with open arms when we choose to run to Him!
The prophet Isaiah encouraged God’s chosen people with these same truths. Why do you complain, .... Why do you say, .... “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God?” He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
– Bev
(Related Bible reading: Isaiah 40:25-31)
