May 23, 2012
Hosea 2:14 “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.”
We each arrived at the conference on Friday night from different locations, not only where we live, but we also came from different places in our grief. We were searching for a place where we could leave life’s distractions at home and search for a place of hope. Many of us were searching for answers to our pain. The why’s, and the what now’s which have been awakened in our hearts and minds after the loss of our child. As we searched for answers throughout this conference, if we found out anything, we discovered the best answer of all. We have a God who loves us and He is faithful to show us His love when we are in the storms of our life. Throughout the weekend, as we slowed down and quieted our souls, we could hear God speaking. He spoke to us as we shared our stories one by one to hearts full of compassion and arms willing to hug the hurts. He spoke to us through the bracelets that were made with so much love bearing the name of a beloved child. Picture frames were created holding memories forever placed in our minds, all created by the loving touch of a mother. Lives changed, hearts touched by women understanding each other, in a place of devastation, but we heard a Savior speak tenderly to us and in that, we can find our hope.
Lord, we thank You for Your tender voice.
Seeing Life through Isaiah 53
May 16, 2012
God, sometimes I just get caught in the muck of life. I don’t want to play the victim and yet if life had been different, perhaps I would have learned how to respond differently. In my son, there was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract others to him. He was despised and rejected – a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. He was oppressed and treated harshly ... unjustly condemned.
I silently withdraw and yet there is a part of me that would just like to unleash all the ugliness I could muster to retaliate against the unfairness. My son was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. He never said a word. I would just like to have an inkling of an idea that someone truly cared – that I mattered – that I am worth something. No one cared that my son was despised. They turned their backs on him and looked the other way. No one cared that my son died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream.
But I haven’t done anything! I mean it would be different if I could see a wrong that I have done. That would give some reason for injustice being meted out against me. My son had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone. Others thought that I, his father, was the cause of his troubles, that I was punishing him for his own sins! He was beaten; he was whipped; he was buried like a criminal. He was counted among the rebels.
The unfairness has no reason, no purpose. What good could it possibly accomplish? My son carried your very own weaknesses; your very own sorrows weighed him down. He was pierced for your rebellion, crushed for your sins. I laid all of your sins on him. My son will make it possible for many to be counted righteous. But, God, it seems so insane! I mean, unfairness having purpose, unfairness accomplishing some kind of good! Surely, you would have a better way. Surely, none of this can truly fit in your plans! But it was my good plan to crush my son and cause him grief. My good plan prospered in my son’s hands. I was satisfied when I saw all that was accomplished by his anguish.
O Father! It is beginning to make sense in spite of all my faulty thinking. I look at myself and I look at unfairness, but I fail to see you in all of it. My son suffered, but there is glory still to be revealed because of his suffering. Don’t think it strange when life gets difficult and the muck surrounds you. Be glad instead that you can share in some small way in the plan I had for my son. I have not abandoned you nor forgotten you.
(Related Bible reading: Isaiah 53:1-12)
Thoughts Under the UmbrellaMay 9, 2012
Psalm 27:13 “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
It is time once again for our yearly conference. So much preparation goes into this conference. Through the faithfulness of women doing the Lord’s work, they prepare to meet moms who are literally in the fight of their life. It is a fight that affects body, soul and mind. These moms are walking in a foreign land of grief. A land that is so treacherous they often think this new environment will kill them. This is a land of brokenness and a state of living without a hope for a better future. It is a place we prayed with all our being we would never find ourselves dwelling. We who have traveled through this place of grief have discovered so many lessons in a place that seemed so precarious and unstable. We have found hidden treasures buried in this land. The work the Lord has for us to do is to share these hidden treasures and to show God’s goodness and faithfulness to these grieving women. We have seen firsthand the goodness of the Lord in our own journey back to the land of the living. We cannot do the work of the journey for these moms, but we can encourage them and help pack their bags as they continue to move forward. When they depart, they will have the hope that they too will return to the land of the living and see the goodness of the Lord.
Lord, we pray for this conference and for each mom who will attend. It is the best gift a mother can give herself this Mother’s Day, a way back to the land of the living.
Nothing Wasted!! May 2, 2012
Five thousand hungry men ate, as well as many of their wives and children. The meal had been amply supplied by Jesus’ blessing and multiplication of a young boy’s lunch. What is interesting is that as God often does, He gave beyond the need, and there were leftovers! Twelve baskets full of leftovers! And Jesus told His disciples, “Now gather the leftovers, so that nothing is wasted.” I’m sure twelve baskets of leftovers would never fit in my refrigerator, regardless of the size of the baskets, so what were the pieces and scraps used for? Well, perhaps like we sometimes do, some of the leftovers went home with those who had already been fed to provide for the immediate days ahead. Or, perhaps the disciples saw a ready provision for their own needs that would be there after this meal had been fully digested. Maybe there was a local synagogue outreach that used them, or they were distributed to some of the homebound in the area. Perhaps the young boy who had given his lunch was eager to provide proof to his mom of the story he was going home to tell her. Whatever the reason for saving all the leftovers, Jesus did not want them wasted, and that is sooo much like God!
Romans 8:28 also reminds us that God does not waste the things that touch our lives. “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Nothing in our lives – absolutely nothing! – is wasted within the purposes God has for us. Every thread, whether brilliant in its display of color or dark with the sorrows and difficulties of life, finds itself woven into a tapestry that reflects not only our
lives, but God’s purposes for us. I had an aptitude for math during my school days, an aptitude that has sharpened my thinking skills, but other than that, had shown little purpose in my life until I was asked to teach math to junior highers at our Christian school for several years – a task I not only enjoyed, but found myself capable of undertaking those many, many years after high school graduation. More importantly though, the weavings of the death of a newborn, the dark threads of sexual abuse and dysfunction, the difficulties of emotional struggles, these and so many other threads that represent the happenings of my life, have not been wasted!! God has used them for His glory, for the touching of the lives of others, for spiritual growth in my own life, and for reasons and purposes I am assured I still do not fully comprehend! No accidents – no “oops!” – no coincidences – just God, bringing about His plan and His purposes. Nothing wasted! Every thread given intentional purpose that flows from the heart of my Father, even when those threads were formed by the imperfections of our world.
(Related Bible reading: John 6:4-14)
Thoughts Under the Umbrella
April 25, 2012
Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
I had just moved to the desert and had to leave my two daughters with my sister so they could finish their year in school. We moved to a place where I knew no one and my husband and I had both started new jobs. Everything that was familiar to us was gone. I didn’t recognize the life I was living. I felt like a fish out of water. Then the big one hit; the phone call no mother should get. My daughter had gone home to be with the Lord. How could this be! She was going to move back with us after she graduated from high school. She had plans for her life and so did I. Even though my husband was there with me and my family was very supportive, I felt they still could not understand the way I felt. That was fifteen years ago. Umbrella Ministries was started sixteen years ago in a restaurant. Donna and Daisy jotted down ideas on a napkin on what the ministry would be. How it would reach out to hurting moms who felt alone and confused. It would be a place where they could find hope. God placed this idea on their hearts and they were faithful. They were planning this ministry for me and moms just like me. The first time I attended a conference, I left feeling like I had found a safe place to express all of my feelings, good and bad. I found a group of women that felt a lot like me, a fish out of water. I also found my first glimpse of hope. God’s timing in my life has always been perfect. When I am able to look back at events that have happened, He has always provided. In the loss of my daughter, I can look back and see that He knew I would need this ministry in my life and He put it in the hearts of Donna and Daisy to help with that need.
Lord, I thank You for the faithfulness of these two women who have created a place of hope for moms who feel so hopeless.
