Psalm 41:3 “The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness.”
My daughter and her husband leave for work early, and on those days I get to spend time with my grandchildren. Often my grandchildren are still asleep when I arrive. When they awake, I always greet them with a good morning and it’s time to rise and shine. They smile and warm me with a big hug and we start our day. This one particular morning, my five year old granddaughter came out crying. I held her closely and tried to calm her but to no avail. The morning continued like this and nothing could make her happy. I finally looked at her and said, “Finley, I think you got up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe you should go back to bed and get up on the other side.” She looked up at me and with big tears rolling down her cheeks she replied, “But, Grandma, I like that side of the bed!”
Her reply made me think of my early days of grief. In those early years, every morning I arose on the same side of the bed. That side of the bed that offered me little joy in my day. It was the grief side of the bed. There was no voice saying rise and shine. It was all I could do to even get out of my bed. Oh, if only climbing back into bed and getting up on the other side would make everything okay. This was the side of the bed where I had to work through all the pain, guilt and intense feelings that I had to face in my time of grief. It is where I learned many important lessons. It was on this side of the bed where I realized how little control I really had in my life. I soon realized I would have to release my daughter and my fears in order to escape this place of despair. In time, I soon felt a longing to try the other side of the bed. It was a scary step because even though this place of deep pain was hard, it had become a place I was comfortable in. To reenter into life seemed much too painful. It was easier to stay here than to face new situations. This new side of the bed seemed too unpredictable. I also felt trying to leave this bed of grief would mean people would think I had moved on. I was afraid they would forget what I had been through and in that they would forget my daughter.
I found a way to accept my loss and to hold on to the many memories I had of my daughter. I now understand that both joy and loss will be a part of my life and that God is still good even when my life is hard. We have a choice, a choice to try the other side of the bed. Each of us will come to face living without our child at different times. We don’t have to put both feet down at first. We just need to take that first step. We can slowly step until we are ready to reenter life once again. How about you? Have you been eyeing the other side of the bed? Are you wondering what God has planned for you once you take that first step? Don’t be afraid. You have already been through the worst!
Lord, I pray for those who are looking to try the other side of the bed. We might fall down at first, but we know You are there to catch us.
-- Michele
