Matthew 14:30 “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’”
When my girls were younger we used to like to take family drives. One Saturday we thought we would take a nice morning drive out into the hills that overlooked our community. We had just been hit by a huge rainstorm. It was as if a film had been removed from the landscape and everything came into a sharpness that made whites whiter and colors brighter. The sky was bright baby blue and the mountains were so clear you felt like you could reach out and touch them. I always love how clean and fresh everything is after it rains. We drove along until we reached a quiet spot where we felt the girls could get out and run and play. My husband and I were just relaxing and enjoying the morning when all of a sudden, we heard my younger daughter screaming. “Help me! I am sinking!” We looked up and she was up to her knees in mud. This rain storm had found a way to create the biggest mud hole I had ever seen. You could see a look of panic in my daughter as she fought with all the strength a five-year-old could muster. My husband ran over to pluck her up out of this sludge and comfort her as she sobbed uncontrollably. As the sobs finally subsided, she looked up at him and said, “I thought I would be there for never and never!”
When we are mourning the loss of our child, we too can feel bogged down in the sludge of grief. We can also feel like we are sinking with no way up or out of the muddy pit. We feel like we will be there for never and never. It is hard to imagine a future without the child we loved. To return to life once again can be painful. Even though our grief is painful, this never-never land is familiar to us. It is where, even though others have forgotten our loss, we need to keep the memory alive. This loss has changed us, and people just don’t comprehend our sorrow. They don’t recognize the person we once were. We might find ourselves isolated and normal is a thing of the past. There will be a time when grief is no longer the place we choose to stay. We are looking for a new normal. Everyone’s stay is different and yet there is so much we can learn during our time in grief. Most important is whether we still trust our Father, the Father who is there to pick us up out of the muddy sludge. Have faith in Him that He still has a purpose for your life. Beth Moore writes, “Faith receives more than it asks. Doubt loses more than it disbelieved.” We have already lost so much; hold on to your faith and call out, “Lord save me!” and see what He will do.
– Michele
