Isaiah 43:18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.”
For the longest time after Katie died I would place myself back in that hospital room and I wanted to go back in time and have a do over. In my shock and disbelief I was unable to even comprehend what was taking place. At a time like this I was unable to understand the finality of this loss. In my mind I would see myself crawling into the hospital bed not paying attention to all the machines and tubes that she was hooked up to. There is so much I would of wanted to say to her. How proud I was to have her as my daughter. How much I would miss her sweet smiling face first thing in the morning. I will miss listening to Sarah and Katie talking and laughing in the middle of the hallway about what had happened at school and I will not get to watch how this relationship would continue to grow and deepen. I loved watching her run down the stairs to meet her friends dressed in pajama bottoms, her dad’s T-shirt and of course her Ugg boots. I will miss going to the grocery store and walking by Miracle Whip and not having to purchase it since she was the only one who liked it and then reminding her that no one likes Miracle Whip. The most important thing I would want her to know is just how much I loved her and I pray more than anything that she knew that. I cannot relive that day but I can look toward the future and imagine what I will tell her when we are reunited in Heaven. I will tell her how much I have changed because of the person she was. How my life had a purpose that I never could of imagined. How because of her life I have been able to share my story and hopefully have changed hearts because of her life. The most important thing I will be able to tell Katie is how much I loved her. The proof of my love is in the fact that I have continued to live my life and have made her life and death matter. Her death was a defining moment in my life but I have chosen to not let it keep me in that hospital room. I have chosen to carry her with me into the future.
Lord, let us make our children proud of us; help us to make their life and death matter. Let us show them in our continuing to live that we loved them.-- Michele
