1 Corinthians 15:54 "When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true. ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’"
Dear Katie, here I am once gain facing another birthday here without you. I have found there are certain days of the year that can be a minefield for me. Some days I get through unscathed and at other times my heart is broken open and I find it hard to catch my breath. Time and the work I have done in my grief have helped me walk through these difficult days. I have found it helps me as those days approach to face them head on and be proactive in getting through these days. I am writing you today, your birthday, to let you know how much this day changed everything about me. When you were placed in my arms I knew my world would never be the same. My heart could not hold all the feelings that overwhelmed me at that moment. I was your mom. Not a perfect mom, but whatever decisions I made it was always done trying to do what was best for you. I know God fixed whatever mistakes I made in raising you because you turned out to be all a mom could want in a daughter. We did have difficult times in those teenage years but somehow we managed to get through them. Your life was cut short at seventeen, just weeks after graduation. The day you left us was so close to the day you came to us. It is almost celebrating two birthdays together, your birthday here on earth and then your birthday when you were greeted by those words, "well done my good and faithful servant."
Katie, the Lord has strengthened my broken heart just like he promised. I have found He has also broken open my heart to give love and freely accept it like never before. It is because of your life and my love for you that continues to grow in your absence that I have found my life’s purpose. God did not comfort me just to make me feel better. I think He comforted me so I could reach out and comfort others. That is how I found my healing. Moving out of my own pain and offering a helping hand to other mothers has put a band aid on my own heart. Your birth changed my life and your birth into heaven made me once again take a good hard look at the woman I wanted to become. You are influencing me each and every day. I wanted to make your life matter and not have your death destroy me and all those I love. Your life, Katie, was a gift given to me. I pray one day I will be able to present to you a gift. It will be a gift that will not be perfect but it will be given through blood, sweat and tears. My gift to you will be my life that I have lived because of you.
All of my Love,
Mom
Lord, what better gift can we give our children and ourselves then choosing to make their lives speak of victory, not destruction? You give us the strength to do just that!
