Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”
My husband and I were both raised so differently. I was the oldest of seven with a mom who went back to work when I was thirteen. I soon became the one in charge. I had to learn to be very responsible at a young age. My husband was the middle of seven. His mom was home and he, on the other hand, had a pretty carefree upbringing. When it came to raising our two daughters, we approached things pretty much the same way.
In the evening, dinner was always on the table and we ate as a family because that is what I thought a responsible mother did. When we were through with dinner, I always expected everyone to jump right up and get dishes done. My husband, on the other hand, would turn dinner into complete pandemonium. He would often have us laying on the floor and doing what he would call, “digesting time.” Some of my fondest memories are recalling things that took place during the time of digesting.
One night as we were laying on the floor, Danny dared the girls to jump in the pool with him. Normally that would not be a big deal, but the night air was freezing, as was the water in the pool. Of course I listed all the reasons they should not do such a crazy thing, because of course, I was the responsible one. Before I knew it, they rushed past me and out into the pool they went, laughing and screaming and having a great time! It was something they never forgot.
After Katie passed away, my husband and I were recalling some of these memories and I felt a sudden sadness sweep over me. Why had I taken everything so seriously? Why hadn’t I jumped in that freezing pool that evening and been a part of that memory? My husband looked at me and gave me an answer that brought me such comfort. He reminded me that someone had to be responsible to get the towels for them when they got out. He reminded me that if everything would of always been fun and games, our household would have been out of control. Together we made a good balance. Our house was not perfect, in fact sometimes those differences were exactly what caused the most problems in our marriage, but still, we were a good balance..
When it came to grieving the loss of our daughter we both dealt with it differently, and we still do. Are you finding differences in the way you are both grieving, to the point you can hardly be in the same room with each other? We need to look at how God made each of us so different and realize that not one way is better than the other, it is just different. No two people grieve alike and especially men and women. Find a way to bring your differences together and realize your spouse is not the enemy. He is a hurting parent, just like you.
Lord, I pray for all of us as grieving moms. Help us to understand how we grieve so differently sometimes from our husbands, and help us to know it is okay.
– Michele
