If there’s anything I’ve learned this past year, it is this: Glorifying God recharges my sense of purpose. My grief has a way of wiping away everything from my life that is meaningless and the process is absolutely exhausting. One day, I think I am fine, and then something will trigger my emotions, a song, a young man with cerebral palsy, a friend with a word of wisdom, a smell, a special anniversary and always a holiday. I am on a journey I never wanted to be on. My emotions are all over the map, but I have to remember that this is a process and God still has a plan. If I let my emotions drive the train, then I will be guided by how I’m feeling. I have a tendency to take my emotional temperature each and every day, but that is not going to help my healing. There is nothing so sacred about my feelings that I need to allow them to rule my life. I can’t change the circumstances, but I can be radically different in the midst of the situation. At times, my grief obstructs my sense of God’s presence and I wonder, does He really see me?
In the Garden of Gethsemane, the Lord said, "Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." (Luke 22:42.) This verse graphically reveals how Christ in His humanity voluntarily surrendered His will to the will of the Father. Even though the cup represented divine wrath and was abhorrent to Him, Jesus willingly took it because it was the Father’s perfect will. I have been called to a life that God already knew all about. He promises me He will never give me any more than He and I can handle together. Even though I miss my child terribly, I must remember that Elisha was given to me on loan. If I assume ownership over my child rather than stewardship, then I will come to a wrong conclusion that God gave me a gift and then took it away. However, if I believe that He owns all the cattle on the hills and that I really own nothing, then I am just a steward of all that He has given me. It’s interesting, because when it comes to tithing and giving, I have no problem working hard and earning money and then giving it to the Lord’s work and His kingdom, but my child? No, that wasn’t the deal. I don’t want to say, “Thy will be done.” It’s not fair, it’s not right, I want to hang on to the gift I was given; I want to keep it because I loved that gift.
Romans 11:34-36 says, "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things.” Learning to be content is an act of discipline, it’s an act of worship. Bowing before a sovereign God is not easy, but can I bless His name whether He gives or takes away? How can I comprehend the incomparable wisdom of our God? God is the source, the sustainer and rightful beginning and end of everything that exists. God alone has the power to create the physical universe and the earth in perfect balance, weighing mountains and seas perfectly, so that the earth moves perfectly in space. My God is worthy of my worship no matter what my circumstances. What He has done for me far outweighs any hardship or difficulty I have experienced and because His love for me is better than life, I will rejoice in the hope of Heaven. As long as I have breath within me, I will lift up my hands and praise His holy name and my lips shall worship Him in song and I will glorify Him all the days of my life.
--Melody
