Each and every day, I have a choice to make. I can rely on my own self, my own instincts, my own thinking, my natural ability, my emotions, my reactions,
my feelings and my impulses, or I can choose to live by the Spirit of the Living God. It’s really up to me. Since the death of my child, I have come to a place
where it is difficult for me to trust my own judgment. After all, a lot of the things that were once incredibly important to me, seem to no longer hold any value
or truth. It’s almost like I was on this path I thought was leading me to God, but I was interrupted. God sovereignly and radically changed the direction I was
heading in, and it’s almost like He has put me on a whole new road, one that I have never experienced. This new journey has required me to be utterly
dependent upon Him because I have never been here before and I can easily get lost in the emotions and feelings that come with this strange new path I am
now traveling. I have had no choice but to daily have constant contact with my Heavenly Father because everything is new and different, and my feelings and
emotions change from day to day, but He never changes and He’s always faithful, always steady, forever constant. I can no longer rely on myself; I must seek
His wisdom and counsel at every turn.
James 5:16 says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” I have always believed that the Lord has written His truth into my heart and that
He has always led me and guided me in the right direction and that He helps me to make right choices and right decisions. But for the most part, I just have
kind of had that childlike trust that if I’m going down this road, He must be leading me, and I have never really questioned if it was my motives or my instincts
guiding me. However, I have come to a place where I have been prompted to be in consistent prayer because I am now second guessing whether it was my own
will leading me down a path or if it was really God who was leading me. It is kind of like setting out on a journey across the country to a specific destination and
using a Garmin or Google Map. You set the destination into your phone or your vehicle and you don’t turn it off; you leave it on the whole time you are driving
and the voice commands you to turn right, turn left, go down this highway or that road. You rely on her directions to get you to the right place and ultimately you
arrive at your destination. But somewhere along the way, I got lost, my plans changed, my life was altered, my child died and now here I am standing at a
crossroad asking myself, was it me and my desires that led me here, or was it the Lord?
Pastor John MacArthur gave a sermon on the motivation and purpose of prayer. He said that the Lord has placed a desire in each and every person to pray
consistently and persistently. He gave ten reasons why God prompts us to pray. 1) We desire God’s glory; 2) We desire fellowship with and a longing for God;
3) We desire for needs to be met; 4) We desire wisdom and spiritual discernment; 5) We desire deliverance from trouble; 6) We desire relief from worry; 7) We
desire to offer thanks for past blessings; 8) We desire to be free from the guilt of sin; 9) We desire salvation for the lost; and 10) We desire spiritual growth. I now
realize why my path has changed; it’s because my destination has changed. I long for my heavenly home, I long to see Jesus and to see my child once again. I am
more heavenly minded than ever before and I know that God has placed that desire in my heart and I will follow Him wherever He leads me because ultimately, He leads me to Him.
– Melody
