December 13, 2018

Thoughts Under the Umbrella

“For to us a child is born. To us a son is given and the government will be on His shoulders, and He will be called wonderful Counselor, Almighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace.”

The holidays are upon us. Some of us are where we can put merry and happy back into our vocabulary. Those who are new to this journey of grief just want to put the covers over our head and come out sometime in January when all the festivities have passed.

Who else better to help the newly grieved than those of us who have found our way through the minefields of the holidays? So what advice can I offer you during this time of year? Be patient with yourself and try not to put too many expectations on yourself. We are bombarded during the season with what the holidays should look and feel like. We see families intact, smiling and celebrating as if all is right with the world. Words can hurt us especially when we feel the pressure to have to perform. What if for this season we remove the words that create the expectations. Remove the words happy and merry at least for the time being. What if we place our focus on the true meaning of the holidays?

What if we view this time to look at what is really important to us? Take time out of the busyness to connect to our faith and to those we love. These are the things that truly matter. It is a time to be thankful. Yet how do we be thankful when we are grieving? We might not be able to be thankful for where we are right now but we can give thanks. We can give thanks for the love we have received from our child and from others. We can give thanks for the future that will come as we set our hearts and minds on healing. 

During these next weeks that lie ahead, feel the emotions that come over you. We cannot fix what we feel but we can quiet them. Emotions both good and hard are a gift from God. When we feel them we are actively participating in our grief. Frank Santora, a counselor, spoke on how we try to hide our true feelings around others. He said, “Pain and grief have been kept buried for ages, bred in secrecy and shame, wrapped by an ongoing conspiracy of smiles and well-being. Pain and grief are most healing and ecstatic emotions. Yes, sure they can be hard, yet what makes them most devastating is the perverted idea that they are wrong, that they need to be hidden and fixed. In this world everyone is bound to get ill, experience pain and die. The greatest gift I can give myself and the world is the joyful acceptance of this. Today I want to be real. I will not hide my pain as well as my happiness. I will not care if a gloomy face or desperate words cause concern or embarrassment in others. I do not need to be fed with reassuring words about the beauty of life. The beauty of life resides in the full acceptance of all that is.”

So don’t cover up your feelings, whether they are good or hard. Wear your grief on your sleeve. In order to fill our souls, we need to let the pain out. So this holiday, put on your best sleeved shirt and make sure it’s waterproof because tears will fall. I pray they will not only be tears of sorrow but also thankful tears for those who love us right where we are.

Lord, You are our Counselor when we are overcome with grief. You are the Prince of Peace when our soul is in turmoil.
                                               
                                                                                                            – Michele