Phil. 3:7 “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.”
I have worked my entire life and have always loved to work. I feel that I use my gifts and talents for the Lord in my profession and it has always brought me great pleasure; in fact, I must admit that I have wrapped up a lot of my self-worth and my self-esteem in my job, because when I go to work, I am appreciated, I feel that I am needed, I receive a huge amount of satisfaction for a job well done, and I am rewarded with a nice paycheck and the security of benefits, health insurance and a retirement plan. I have never considered not working because I have come to enjoy the lifestyle that comes along with all of that hard work. I love to travel and we have gone all over the world and we have had some pretty amazing vacations. Every year when we go on vacation, we would temporarily move our family from our home in San Diego to a more beautiful location and we would enjoy the sights and attractions that particular city had to offer.
After my son passed away, all of that came to a screeching halt. For the first time since I entered the work force as a young teenager, I took three months off work to spend time with my husband and my family. We didn’t go anywhere or do anything, but each and every morning I got up and spent hours with the Lord so He could heal my broken heart. My husband and I began creating a new normal, and for the first time since living in beautiful San Diego, we began enjoying our own city, doing things that we were unable to do with Elisha, like going for a walk on the beach, going for bike rides, paddle boarding and spending quality time together. But then it came time for me to go back to work.
King Solomon came to a point in the latter part of his life where he said, “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” (Eccl. 1:14). Going back to work was very difficult for me because it almost felt like I was just moving on, going back into the same routine, back to the same life, back to just looking forward to those few weeks off per year so I could spend time with my family. Going to my job each day seemed meaningless to me compared to the quality time that I spent with my husband for those three months. I have come to understand that the Lord has used the death of my child to help me realize my identity is not wrapped up in being a full-time caregiver to a disabled child, or being a legal administrator, but my identity is who I am in Christ. I believe He has refined me and He is creating in me a new normal with Him and He is making “everything beautiful in His time, He has set eternity in my heart, and I cannot fathom what God will do from the beginning to the end of my life.” (Eccl. 3:11)
I now look at my career in a completely new light and it is certainly not the most important thing in my life anymore. As a matter of fact, I have come to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my mind and I’ve placed Him first in every area of my life including in my vocation. And you know what, He’s given me a new job that does not consume me, at a place where I have been able to find the balance in my soul that I have always longed for. When I began placing God first in my heart, everything else has fallen into place and I now count all things that I have lost as rubbish because what I have gained in Christ is far more valuable than anything this world has to offer.
I have worked my entire life and have always loved to work. I feel that I use my gifts and talents for the Lord in my profession and it has always brought me great pleasure; in fact, I must admit that I have wrapped up a lot of my self-worth and my self-esteem in my job, because when I go to work, I am appreciated, I feel that I am needed, I receive a huge amount of satisfaction for a job well done, and I am rewarded with a nice paycheck and the security of benefits, health insurance and a retirement plan. I have never considered not working because I have come to enjoy the lifestyle that comes along with all of that hard work. I love to travel and we have gone all over the world and we have had some pretty amazing vacations. Every year when we go on vacation, we would temporarily move our family from our home in San Diego to a more beautiful location and we would enjoy the sights and attractions that particular city had to offer.
After my son passed away, all of that came to a screeching halt. For the first time since I entered the work force as a young teenager, I took three months off work to spend time with my husband and my family. We didn’t go anywhere or do anything, but each and every morning I got up and spent hours with the Lord so He could heal my broken heart. My husband and I began creating a new normal, and for the first time since living in beautiful San Diego, we began enjoying our own city, doing things that we were unable to do with Elisha, like going for a walk on the beach, going for bike rides, paddle boarding and spending quality time together. But then it came time for me to go back to work.
King Solomon came to a point in the latter part of his life where he said, “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” (Eccl. 1:14). Going back to work was very difficult for me because it almost felt like I was just moving on, going back into the same routine, back to the same life, back to just looking forward to those few weeks off per year so I could spend time with my family. Going to my job each day seemed meaningless to me compared to the quality time that I spent with my husband for those three months. I have come to understand that the Lord has used the death of my child to help me realize my identity is not wrapped up in being a full-time caregiver to a disabled child, or being a legal administrator, but my identity is who I am in Christ. I believe He has refined me and He is creating in me a new normal with Him and He is making “everything beautiful in His time, He has set eternity in my heart, and I cannot fathom what God will do from the beginning to the end of my life.” (Eccl. 3:11)
I now look at my career in a completely new light and it is certainly not the most important thing in my life anymore. As a matter of fact, I have come to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my mind and I’ve placed Him first in every area of my life including in my vocation. And you know what, He’s given me a new job that does not consume me, at a place where I have been able to find the balance in my soul that I have always longed for. When I began placing God first in my heart, everything else has fallen into place and I now count all things that I have lost as rubbish because what I have gained in Christ is far more valuable than anything this world has to offer.
