December 24, 2020

Forgivness

Isaiah 46:9-10 “Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, 'My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.'” I find it very interesting that I am here, right in this place. I’m struggling with the forgiveness of someone who has hurt me. I know this is where that root of bitterness starts; this is where the resentment begins; this is the beginning of my spiritual bankruptcy, as unforgiveness takes root and it like a cancer, it is all consuming; there is nothing that it cannot conquer or swallow if I allow it to envelop me. There are no words to describe the loneliness that comes as a result of the fallout it creates. I am filled to the brim with shame and yet, I am not willing to release the one who is inside of me, living in my head, rent free. There is a magical thing though that has happened in the past few weeks; a tiny little lump of willingness has emerged. That merciless obsession to seek revenge has begun to be lifted and the residual resentment that is left inside of me has been laid bare. I desperately want justice to be served upon this person, but I have come to the realization that my need to forgive is absolutely necessary or I will be consumed by this root of bitterness that has been lingering in my soul these past months. Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay’ says the Lord.” And so begins the dilemma of obedience versus self. Have I not thought in my mind, this person must pay, for how can I let this go? I have been fighting for justice my entire life, and this seems like the absolute plausible thing for me to do, and yet the Lord has said no. Each time I am tempted to take matters into my own hands and mete out a consequence, the Lord shuts the door and He gently asks me, “Do you really want to do this? Do you really want to go here? Do you really want to spend time and energy dredging up the past over and over again? Or, are you willing to trust Me?” The Lord spoke to my heart this morning, and said, “Do you remember the former things long ago, when I set you free, when I brought you out of bondage, when I loosened your chains and picked you up out of that pit and dusted you off and gave you the life you have today? Was it not I who gave you the beautiful gifts you have today?” This scripture spoke volumes to me as He brought me to this verse and boldly said to me, “I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, 'My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’” He spoke to me through His Word and said, “I am in control and you don’t need to worry, you do not need to take revenge. Vengeance is mine.” (Deut. 32:35), and so I stand at the crossroads; I could choose bitterness to enter my heart and dwell there; I can choose unforgiveness; it’s completely up to me how miserable I will stay in my sorrow, how stuck I will be in my pity and how long I wallow in my pain, or I can choose to forgive, which brings freedom to the one who gives it. And so my prayer today is to ask God to give me the willingness and the obedience not only to forgive, but to let go and let God, and then to guard my heart so that no root of bitterness can spring up. I so desire His beautiful grace and mercy to rule in my life so my soul can be filled with His peace and joy once again. I loved the analogy our pastor gave last night, as this person knocks on my door and says, “Is Melody home?” I will say no, she doesn’t live here anymore. Only Christ lives here. So how can I be offended if only Christ lives in me? – Melody