Isaiah 43:1-2 "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
Seven years ago we were going on our planned family vacation to Hawaii, however, instead of bringing Elisha with us, we brought his ashes. We have been vacationing in Kauai since Elisha was an infant. We have a friend who has a home where we stay and there’s a little beach that Elisha loved to go to because it has a small cove with a natural beach break and there were no waves. It was there I left his ashes, right where he used to float in the water. It seems like yesterday, and yet it seems like an eternity, and as I sit here writing today, my heart is still breaking and the whole situation is still absolutely overwhelming to me; the pain in my soul and the hole in my heart still remain and I cannot seem to move past the fact that he is not here. I miss him terribly. I have been going to a grief group for mothers who have lost children called Umbrella Ministries; we meet once a month on Saturday mornings. I learned one weekend that for a mother who has lost a child, the second year of the loss is even more difficult than the first. I was told that it takes an entire year for the fog to be lifted and for reality to set in; by then our friends have moved on, and they don’t really think about what is still so fresh in my mind and, as a matter of fact, there are those who have told me that Elisha would not want me to still be grieving like I am, that he is in Heaven, healed and made whole. The thought that my son is living with Jesus in his eternal home is comforting, but the problem is, he is not here and statements like that do not help my grief; it doesn’t dim the sorrow and pain I am still experiencing as a result of his loss and in fact, it causes me to want to run away and retreat.
1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 says we are to “pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” Each and every morning, when I meet with the Lord, I always find something to be thankful for; there is always something I can praise Him for and each day before I begin my devotions, I enter into His throne room with praise and thanksgiving. I picture myself coming before Him and bowing my knee in submission and saying to Him, “You are enough, Your grace is sufficient for me, there is nothing else on this earth that is important to me,” and instantaneously, there is a peace that comes over me, a calm that quiets the storm inside of me and the Spirit of the Living God falls fresh on me and is near to me. The Lord does not expect me to be thankful that my child is gone; He does not ask me in this scripture to give thanks for my circumstances; He asks me to give thanks in spite of my circumstances. And that is something I can do. When I deliberately express gratitude instead of sorrow, something supernatural happens to me; the Lord speaks to me through my thankfulness and says to me there is nothing on this earth that is too great or too small for Him, and He reminds me that “He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” (Col. 1:17)
There are always lessons to be learned in the midst of trials; there is always a silver lining to be found in the pain and sorrows of life; there is always hope for our future and the fact that we will one day see our loved ones who have gone before us, but in the meantime, we still live here on earth tethered to our earthly bodies, longing for the day when He fulfills His promise to us that “He will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Rev. 21:4) So, for today, that must be enough and when I pass through the waters and the rivers that threaten to sweep over me, I will remember that He has redeemed me, He has summoned me by name, and I belong to Him.
– Melody
