Most days, I live in the moment, captured by the relationships, the responsibilities, and the emotions of today. But there are days I remember, and sometimes the memories come profusely and unexpectedly as they did on a Sunday morning. I left for church that morning already remembering the gift my young son gave me so many nights just before he went to sleep. It was the faith-filled prayer of a child giving Jesus the expression of his heart to please say hello to Tonia for him, Tonia, the sister he had never met. I wanted to remember his prayer because I wanted that morning to share his prayer with another who was grieving. And yet in the short time before that happened, the memories came of high school years and the scantness of things most people took for granted, a scarcity borne of a broken family. But I also remembered the provision God gave, over and over and over again, as a young girl accomplished what others would have thought impossible. And then I remembered Tonia still again, as my husband spoke to our congregation and openly exposed the heart of a dad that was abrasively torn when his newborn daughter died. I hadn’t asked for any of the memories and I did not seek them, but still they came, and with them the reminders of how much life had brought that had been painful and difficult. And then we sang, and Gloria Gaither’s words brought the tears that had been building all morning. Broken and spilled out, just for love of You, Jesus, my most precious treasure lavished on Thee. Broken and spilled out, and poured at Your feet, in sweet abandon, let me be spilled out and used up for Thee.
The profundity of awareness embraced my spirit. My God, who loves me with a stubborn, unyielding, unconditional love, has allowed me to give back to Him. We treasure the preciousness of life, and we treasure life when it is whole and healthy and vibrant and productive. But life isn’t always that way. Sometimes it is broken, and the pieces seem to scatter themselves recklessly. But even when lives are broken, they can still be given purpose and meaning. That’s the awesomeness of our God. And when broken lives find purpose and meaning, they have the potential of being intentionally poured out at the feet of Jesus, a gift of love and gratitude for the One who first loved us. As I sang, my heart swelled with both praise and humility – praise for the God who has always walked with me, even when I did not know He was there, praise for His infinite wisdom and transcendence that has intimately woven together the strands of my life, and utter humility that He would let my brokenness be a love gift both to others and to Him.
– Bev
(Related Bible reading: Psalm 30:10-12)
