God in My Darkness

My heart was heavy, and I didn’t even feel like God had an answer.  Too many needs.  Too many people that I loved and cared about who were hurting.  But God kept nudging me, and in the gentleness of His grace, He drew me back to Him.  “‘My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,’ says the Lord.  ‘And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’” God does know more than I know.  He works in ways, I simply do not understand.  His word is my connection to Him, and to peace, and to joy – all of which seemed to have vacated my soul.  “I send out my word, and it always produces fruit.  It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.  You will live in joy and peace.  The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
If I focus on truth, healing will come.  If I focus on the irrationality I am so capable of, I will miss God’s healing.  My right choices, even when they seem difficult, choices to focus, choices to do, will be covered by God’s protection and by His presence.  “Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal.  Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.  Then when you call, the Lord will answer.  ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.”  My depression, even though a natural tendency, and even though it may have roots in reality, needs to be shaken off, and along with it, any tendency I have to blame others.  “Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.  Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors.”

Ah, and the truth that can seem so simple, but is only grasped with an outpouring of God’s grace.  I am most full when I focus on others – on giving, rather than receiving.  To do so, lifts the heaviness of my own darkness.  To do so, quenches the thirst of my own spirit.  To do so, enlarges my own strength.  “Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble.  Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.  The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.”  

And like an ever-flowing spring, freedom will grow from its true source.  Freedom to know there is no answer except with God.  Freedom to pursue Him and His truth.  Freedom to walk in His presence.  Freedom to allow Him to carry me when I cannot walk on my own.

                                                                                       – Bev

(Related Bible reading: Isaiah 55:8-13; Isaiah 58:8-11)