Job 31:5-6 “If I have walked with falsehood or my foot has hurried after deceit, let God weigh me in honest scales and He will know I am blameless.”
As I read chapter 31 in Job, I see Job trying to plead his case to God. He listed one by one all the sins he never committed. His sinless life included never sinning in his heart, against his neighbor or against God. Job was pointing out the sins others had committed. He must have felt there were others who deserved the destruction he faced more than he did. In God’s world it is not tit for tat. We know Job was described as blameless and upright, yet his whole world was turned upside down. I too after I lost my daughter tried to present my case of righteousness, pretty much trying to claim my sinless life. How could God do this to me? I felt there must be others who deserve this injustice more than me. Even as I write this, I can’t believe the pride that was in my heart. I know I would not want anyone to feel the pain of this loss. When we are deep in our grief, we try to make sense of something that makes no sense.
God patiently listened to Job. God also listened to my grumbling. He finally questioned Job in chapters 38-41. He didn’t answer Job’s questions. He made this statement, “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man: I will question you, and you will answer me.” God then proceeds to remind Job of His power and all He has created. He reminded Job that Job was nowhere to be seen when He laid the earth’s foundation. God’s purpose for questioning Job was to jog Job’s memory of His great power.
Eventually my asking why and how came to an end. I realized there would probably be no good answer except God’s ways are not mine. He has a plan and purpose for my life. He also had a plan and purpose for my daughter’s life apart from me. He loves my daughter more than I did, so therefore, He wanted the best for her too. God knew my daughter before she was placed inside of me. He knew her purpose and the number of her days. It goes without saying I would rather have her days numbered long past my numbered days but that was not the plan. So I will answer the Lord the same way Job did in chapter 40:4 and 5. “I am unworthy - how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once but I have no answer -twice, but I will say no more” In other words, I SURRENDER!
Lord, it sometimes is just so hard to SURRENDER!!!! It is really difficult when it is who we love so much.
– Michele
