Emotional Intensity

In a not-so-recent article from Christianity Today, it says, “The gospel writers paint their portraits of Jesus using a kaleidoscope of brilliant ‘emotional’ colors. Jesus felt compassion; he was angry, indignant, and consumed with zeal; he was troubled, greatly distressed, very sorrowful, depressed, deeply moved, and grieved; he sighed; he wept and sobbed; he groaned; he was in agony; he was surprised and amazed; he rejoiced very greatly and was full of joy; he greatly desired, and he loved.”  Later in the article, the writer,  G. Walter Hansen, continues, “I am spellbound by the intensity of Jesus' emotions: not a twinge of pity, but heartbroken compassion; not a passing irritation, but terrifying anger; not a silent tear, but groans of anguish; not a weak smile, but ecstatic celebration.”

When my own emotions become intense, they conflict, they overwhelm, they evoke a sense of judgment against my own person, they create expectations, and they tend to resolve ever so slowly.  I have thoughts of hypocrisy, a questioning of normalcy, and the nagging taunt of “a child of God, especially one in leadership, would never go down this path.”  Rarely do I put my intense emotions within the context of the spiritual struggle in Romans 7, and never have I identified any similarity between my emotions and the emotions of Christ.  Now, I am not talking about exploding emotions or the reactive stance emotions can take; I am simply, or not so simply, speaking of those emotions that can consume my inner person and bring a screeching halt to any rational thinking.  I am speaking of emotions that arise from situations that intrinsically carry opposition.  That opposition is the fruit of human difficulty clashing with human love, while at the same time clashing with a perception that interprets a godly response as being a subdued, quiet acceptance and a submissive prayer that yearns to know God’s direction while still feeling a total sense of nodirection.  It is the young mother whose infant has died.  It is the parent of the prodigal.  It is the betrayed and abandoned spouse.  It is the loss of deep and meaningful friendship when character is assaulted.  It is the forced adjustment to situations beyond our control.  It is the heart-cry of, “What?  God, what would You have me to do?” and hearing no answer.

Slowly, I am learning not to condemn myself because I happen to be the emotional being God created me to be.  I am learning to face those emotions and feelings, to attempt to discern the varying nuances of what is happening and why, to place myself in the conflicting struggle of Romans 7 and find what is Christ-like in my emotions and what carries a root of selfishness, and to keep walking, knowing that God will in His time and His way bring the needed resolution He desires.  And, I am learning more quickly  to recognize that even my “broken” emotions may well serve in the days to come, as the healing salve for another in her brokenness.

                                                                          – Bev

(Related Bible reading: Mark 1:40,41; 3:1-6; 8:1-3; 10:13-16; 11:15-17; 14:32-34)